Monday, June 30, 2008

The Untouchable Siouxsie Sioux

I've always loved her but lately I can't get enough of her, sonically or visually.

Current Blog Obsession: FABULON!

I found it last week and it is owning my soul. You must go visit FABULON. It's so much better than real life. Here is a small sampling of life on The Planet Fabulon:

All images from FABULON. You must go visit it. Now! Do as I say!! *whip crack*

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Pink Saturday (Night)

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Out & About

Friday, June 27, 2008

Messy Headed

Last night/this morning my head was full of weird, inexplicable dreams. In one I was driving around in a fancy sports car with Mary J. Blige. She started crying and telling me how much she loves me and how much my friendship means to her. I paused, trying to come up with the right words in response and said "I want to tell you I love you too but I've said those words to so many people and then had them used against me as a weapon." Then we both cried and promised to never do that to one another. We drove some more until we accidentally drove into an area where drivers were practicing for a race. We took a side street and got stuck in the mud in front of a seemingly abandoned house that I somehow knew contained a rifle-wielding nutball who would shoot us if we spent too much time on his property. We got out of the car and attached this tow truck type mechanism to her bumper and then a naked, younger Tom Hanks laid on it and acted as a human anchor. When he got up he turned into my boss and I was distressed at how appealing I found my boss' genitalia.

After getting up to pee around 5:40 a.m. I fell asleep again and had another dream that I was waiting in a subway station with my co-worker Kelly, who had much longer hair and hippieish clothing and was dancing around all spazzy. The train seemed to be taking forever to arrive and I started to see if I could find a schedule when Kelly darted down to the other side of the platform and I had to chase after her to see why. When I got there she was huffing smoke out of a large, clear plastic bag and giggling at me making weird faces. I turned and looked across the platform and saw some transit workers trying to smash some huge cockroaches on the wall with these oversized, metal spatulas.

The dream shifted and I was in the facilities office at work. Scott and Tom were standing over Scott's desk where a white rat with black spots like a cow was sitting. They sprayed it with this red powder that somehow immobilized it and then tried to hit it with a hammer but either kept missing or didn't hit hard enough to do any damage. I started to back away out of the twin fear of rats in general and not wanting to see it's guts smashed all over the desk when, in what seemed like my actual real life, I felt a finger tracing it's way up my spine on my bare back. I awoke with a start, having been asleep with my back to my bedroom door, surprised to see no one was standing there at all.

Watch & Listen

The ever foxy, ever smart Rich from FourFour made this fantastic video that very succinctly addresses all the homophobes and right-wing Christian hate-mongers flapping their gums all over every network:

Localized Fame

There's a phenomenon I've become more and more aware of after living in San Francisco for five and a half years: people who are somehow locally prominent in one scene or another and the people within said scene who assume that everyone else in the city knows this "famous" person. To be honest, I find it quite vexing. I can't tell you how many times I've been having a conversation with someone, even someone I consider a good friend, and they are blathering on and on about this or that person, whom they only refer to by his or her first name, assuming I know exactly who they're talking about. When I interrupt them to ask who it is they're talking about they always respond with a mixture of surprise and mild annoyance. "You know, DJ______ from _______ " or "that person who does that event ___________." I usually respond with a nod and "Oh, right, right" of recognition even when I still have no earthly clue who they're referring to. It just seems like less of a hassle.

But I think I'm going to make a mid-year resolution to stop doing that, for a variety of reasons. The first being that I think it's good to remind people that there is a world outside of the insular scene they spend a good deal of their time in. There's people as close by as me who have no idea who you're referring to because your participating in something small and local, not massive and global. Another reason is that when I do know who these locally famous individuals are/I realize who they're referring to, it's almost always someone I find a bit annoying because of how overinflated their sense of self-importance seems to be due to said local fame.

I've never been someone who finds a home in one scene or one thing. And I don't say that to sound downtrodden or self-congratulatory, it's just a fact. I am a part of the SF music scene in the sense that I play in a local band and we play lots of local shows. But I am not immediately networked in to every music scene in town and aware of everyone's efforts, local fame or not. I spend my time in various spaces in the gay "community" of San Francisco but none of them feel like home base to me, just places to be social and see different people I might know socially. And I certainly don't enter any of these spaces expecting to be recognized for being The Drummer from Ex-Boyfriends. It's nice if I am, definitely flattering, but I don't walk around thinking I have some glowing halo of recognition shining down on me, making me stand out from the other people around me. And while I sometimes am a little disappointed when someone hasn't heard of my local band that's been together for over five years, it's a fleeting feeling and I accept it as a reality. This is a big city and I am not Madonna or George Bush or Oprah Winfrey or someone else that people know immediately by name or face. Hell, I have a friend who is a widely published author and a pretty well-known Internet celebrity with crazily big name talent agency representation and I still don't expect people to know who she is simply by uttering her name. I just wish some of my neighbors had this kind of awareness as well.

Look, I am not putting down anyone for being a DJ or someone who puts on various nights and events or plays in a band or creates art of some sort in the SF Bay Area. I think all of those things are worthwhile pursuits - they enrich our lives in various ways and a lot of it is appreciated and enjoyed by me. Just don't lose perspective. Lots of people are DJs in this city. In this world. Lots of people are in bands. Lots of people host nights and events. You have not reinvented the wheel and you're not necessarily gliding on the cutting edge of now, so maybe you could turn your egos down a notch or two. And maybe all you folks who know these people in one way or another could stop assuming your friends are so famous that they merit instant name recognition. And if they don't receive said recognition, don't huff and sigh all annoyed that you have to explain to clueless little me, or clueless little whomever, who this relative unknown is. This goes triply so when you're referring someone by their LJ name before you tell me their actual name. That just may make me hurl a car at you. With my mind.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The Crappening

I was really surprised when the twist ending to M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening wasn't that it was an SNL or Mad TV sketch parodying M. Night Shyamalan films. This was especially difficult to swallow given how utterly hilarious Mark Wahlberg was in the movie. Seriously, people think this douchebag is a good actor? I've seen news casters give more nuanced teleprompter readings. He didn't even take his shirt off once so I had no fucking use for him. And someone needs to tell Zooey Daschanel that there's more to acting than bugging your eyes out all huge like a living Keane painting.

My favorite part of the whole movie was when I yelled "OH GOD, JUST SHUT UP!" at Betty Buckley. I think she heard me too, cuz she killed herself 5 minutes later. I'm just going to pretend this never happened and remember you for your work on "Eight is Enough". Looking good though, Betty. Aging quite nicely.

Wait, so where was I? Ah yes, someone please stop M. Night Shymalan before her writes/directs/produces again. Thanks!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

If it's not too much to ask...

... can this be waiting for me when I get home?

(image from Real Guys Wearing Jocks)

Thanks ever so!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Bang Bang!

Tonight I celebrated gay marriage by dipping into my butch side:

I would make a sucky cop, that is for sure. But I shoot a rifle best out of a handgun, shotgun and rifle, FYI. Well, I clearly blew a hole in my target with the shotgun but the knockback almost threw me to the floor and you can blow a hole in the middle of ANYTHING with that shotgun.

My Heart Belongs to La Pequena

I would love it if this was really how Hillary responded to her defeat:

La Pequena Hillary Clinton is possibly more amazing than La Pequena Amy Winehouse. More video insanity here.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Sartorial Sunday #3

I have a confession to make. No, no, not the one about this not working out to be every Sunday. I have made peace with that. No, I have a confession to make about an addiction of mine. It's something that has been building up over time and I can no longer pretend that it doesn't have me in its clutches. I am completely and totally addicted to tab collar jackets. Phew, man, it feels good to get that out into the open and not to live with my dark secret anymore. And I'm sure some of you share this condition and we can be there to support one another in the struggle.

Okay, but for reals, tab collar jackets totally rock my fucking world. As you can see in the evidence below:

I think the first tab collar jacket I got is that Levi's denim jacket on the right near the leather jacket. I remember when I tried it on in the store it was like my life magically changed in an instant. In the neck area. I don't know what it is about a tab collar but it makes my eyes so happy to look at one. I now kind of hate jackets with regular collars on them. At least on me. They are fine on others but I gotta have the tab or I'll die or something. Or just like my jackets less. Except for one or two regular collar jackets that I adore. Anyways! The funny thing is, I kind of hate shirts with the same kind of style - not that any are around currently, thank jeebus, but you never know when they could come back in a horrible wave of retro late 80s/early 90s/Color Me Badd/Kenny G type fashion revivals. Because that was some seriously horrible shit, that whole collarless shirt craze. No, seriously, REMEMBER?

AAAAGHHH, MY EYES!!! IT BURNS!!! *shudders* So yeah, just say no to the collarless shirts and just say, yes, yes dear lord in heaven YES to the tab collar jacket. You can still neatly tuck a collared shirt beneath one and rock a fabulous look that will instantly make your life way more awesome in the neck region.

And now, dear readers, we move to this week's part of the post where I discuss a current fashion trend or style that I am not particularly fond of. I was reminded of a certain trend the other day when I was reading a free copy of the generally enjoyable Arthur magazine. They had a "fashion" spread which consisted of several photos of one of my most hated current trends:hipster bohemians. What is this trend, you may ask? Observe:

(Although it may pain you, click to see the larger version.)

Sigh. Where do I even begin? Once again, a group of 21-23 year olds (sorry, kids, I know it's not ALL of you) feel the need to mine the late 60s/early 70s for another "fresh" take on the fashions of that day. I don't know what it is about it that fills me with such violent dislike. Perhaps it's the hideous headbands? Or the fucktarded mustaches sported by the grease covered men of this particular subsection of society? Maybe it's just the fact that I am tired of spoiled little trust fund kids who want to look like filthy, dirty, scabies-riddled hippies when they could probably pay my rent with the loose change they have shoved in the bottom of their over-sized, slouchy, suede purses? Whatever it is, I abhor it. My eyes want to revolt at the sight of these horribly-clad denizens, attempting to leap from my skull and roll to safety.

And it's not like I have something completely against anything vintage or retro in fashion. I don't! But I am sick to death of these hipster retro COSTUMES where everyone looks like they fell out of some mold or another: Filthy 80s Hooker Mold! Unwashed Crab-Riddled 70s Gay Hustler Mold! Hideous Orthopedic Early 90s Grandma Mold! And the list goes on and on and on and when oh when will they stop??!?! Probably never. The Hipster epidemic seems to be akin to an incurable disease: eventually we'll just get used to it and forget about what a scourge it seemed when it first appeared. But maybe, just maybe, one day someone will come up with a cure. Until then, I will be on hand to mock them and clutch my pearls in distress and dismay at their painful, painful outfits. And hairdos. And faces.


Tuesday, June 10, 2008


From Photoshop Disasters.

I'm so sorry they did that to you, Clive. Come here and lay in my arms. Nakedly.

Monday, June 09, 2008

Sickly Unwell

I be illin', so no Sartorial Sunday post that actually was posted on Sunday. Will maybe do this week. I have a magazine with a horrible, painful, ugly-as-sin photo shoot of some hipsters that I will most likely feature. It will make your eyes bleed.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

I Hate Twitter

So I am filling it with my hatred.

This will help me to carry less hate around on a daily basis.

It's cleansing.

Like an enema.

But without all the poop.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Addendum to Sartorial Sunday #2

I don't know how it is I forgot about this when I was discussing horribly unflattering styles of jeans. I guess it was because I was mainly talking about mens jeans. At any rate, I must add, neigh, IMPLORE, the young ladies of the world to STOP TRYING TO BRING BACK HIGH-WAISTED MOM JEANS!!!!

I know that the percentage of you rocking this look are hipsters and you can't help yourselves - something in your genetic makeup has hardwired you with a desire for hideously ugly clothes worn with a nauseating sense or irony. But this is just not fucking okay. Please, do all of our eyeballs a favor and stop wearing these vile denim creations!

And for those of you who think I am exaggerating I have seen at least 5 different women wearing these during my work-related errands in the Mission in the last 48 hours.


Sunday, June 01, 2008

Sartorial Sunday #2

This week's Sartorial Sunday post is all about my love for Modern Amusement clothing. Specifically, all the awesome little details they put into their garments. I can't quite remember where or when I discovered Modern Amusement - probably at some overpriced boutique in the Castro - but I loved their clothes right away. I did not, however, love their price tags. Don't get me wrong, they create some quality garments and I don't think their prices are uber-outlandish. They're just not all that feasible for my usual budget. The first piece of Modern Amusement clothing I owned was this awesome blue jacket that my then-boyfriend bought for me. It's a soft corduroy and has a very simple, almost Mod look to it with all sorts of cute details featuring their ubiquitous bird logo:

I loved and still love the jacket as an entire garment, but all the little details are what won my heart. From this moment on I was pretty hooked on the M.A. clothing but, again, budget issues prevented me from gorging myself on all of their clothes with abandon. Thankfully, we live in a world full of bargain shops and used clothing stores! I have seen a ton of Modern Amusement stuff at affordable prices either new at places like Nordstrom Rack, Burlington Coat Factory (yes you read that right) or used at other shops like Crossroads, Buffalo Exchange and online at eBay. I personally love buying used clothing from these kinds of places because it's almost always in good shape and it's a nice way to shop without always triggering a demand for new goods. And I've totally scored some really good finds at these places. Whether it was a stripey polo shirt with a cool hook-and-eylet closure instead of normal buttons:

A brown polo shirt with wood finish buttons and metallic silver thread for piping on the sleeves and collar:

Or a black and white plaid dress shirt with French cuffs and little knotted cord cufflinks:

The cool thing about their clothes is that, aside from some of their tees and real casual stuff, they're not super trendy. You can buy something used or "last season" at a bargain store and not have it be so Horrible Trend of the Moment that you look really dated and pathetic for still wearing it. You know, kind of like the queens we all see still sporting those diagonal stripe dress shirts that haven't been in since 2003 and yet you can still buy them somewhere horrible and tacky *cough* "Injeanious" in the Castro *cough*. Anyways, I totes appreciate the folks at Modern Amusement for making some classic pieces with a little extra kick to keep them from getting boring and generic. About a year or so ago I decided I needed a bit of a makeover because I was stuck in this jeans, tees and hoodies rut that made me look like I was trying to pass for 25 all the time. M.A. are one of those clothing companies that makes shit that allows me to show some more style without looking stuffy and conservative. So, hearts to them! And if anyone who works there sees this post and wants to thank me with a gift of free clothing, please don't hesitate to contact me. Hey, a boy can dream!

Okay, so, on to Sartorial Sunday's fashion dislike for this week. I thought about picking another hipster item like last time but I reconsidered as there has been something that is sticking in my craw a lot lately: ill-fitting men's jeans. I swear that I see more dudes walking around in some frumpy, dumpy jeans that totally make them look like they have Poopy Diaper Butt. This is not good! It is, in fact, very, very bad. Possibly the devil's work. One of the main culprits in this case is Levi's 501 jeans:

Ack! NARY! I feel like they tried to really spruce these up on the Levi's Store site and make them look all cool and stuff but let's be honest, they look like ass! And I am not trying to say jeans need to be all skintight but why do they need to be so saggy and frumped-out that you can fit another pair of pants under them?! At least they aren't in a shittacular, super-light wash that automatically makes all men look like they live in the suburbs and own a riding lawn mower. But! Then! We have the even more hateful RELAXED FIT JEAN:

Dude ain't even fronting about these jeans staying on by themselves. They're a baggy, shapeless mess and he's letting us all know this by holding on to the waistband for dear life in the vain attempt to give himself some semblance of an ass. But lest you think I am 100% hating on Levi's, I say nary! All the jeans I currently own are from Levi's. They have a few styles I currently dig which are totally flattering and allow one to possess an ass and not look either too painfully trendy or too painfully dated: Slim Boot 507 (get the darkest wash - you can see it in the pop-up window for different views of the jean - it's sexier and the "slim" refers mainly to the upper leg not being so balloon-y that you look like you're wearing denim M.C. Hammer pants), Slim Straight 514 (I gave a couple pairs of 514s that are too big for me to my roommate and they're 100x more flattering than his other jeans and he wore them tonight and, not coincidentally, may have gotten laid for the first time in months) and "Skinny" 511 (I say "Skinny" because they're far less hideous and exaggerated than most skinny jeans - which I loathe - and just look more fitted than anything. I like the dark wash they seem to only carry in stores).

See? It's totally possible to own some cute jeans and not have to spend a squillion dollars on some super-trendy, overly-adorned back pocket-having, crappo jeans that will fall apart in three washes and become uber dated 5 minutes after you put them on. Tune in next week when I will talk about some more clothing-related things I love and probably go back to hating on hipsters because, let's be honest, they're a never ending wellspring of awful clothing choices. Valencia Street in the Mission is starting to look like they're holding a casting audition for an all-white version of A Different World and everyone, guys and gals, want to play the Lisa Bonet role. Tragedy!


What You Want In Your Mouth

Dark chocolate bacon cupcakes!! From a recipe I got thanks to the lovely and foodtastic Jen. Her photos of her cupcakes are way better!

And here is a video of me eating one for the first time. Try not to be too jealous or touch yourself as if you were watching some really sexy pornography.

Recipe here.

Frosting recipe I used (Is a great dark chocolate frosting, great for any cupcake!)