Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Basic Instinct 2: Stupidity Addiction

Look, I know I haven't posted on this thing nearly enough. I keep trying to wait until is up and running, but since I am slow and lazy, that may be for some time. So I will be pressing forward with this blog and hopefully it will motivate me to finish the site.

So what better way to start off my resolution to write in this more often than with some words of wisdom from a Hollywood celebrity? Why do we bother to have scholars, educators, thinkers, writers and philosophers when we can turn to celebrities for all the answers to life's tricky questions and advice on everything from what to wear to how to conduct our sex lives? They really are smarter than the rest of us, you know. It's not as if their fame and public lives give them any sort of overinflated sense of entitlement or the delusion that they somehow possess greater knowledge than you or I. No, they truly are smarter than us and they will show us the way.

One example of such brilliance comes in the form of Sharon Stone giving unsolicited sexual advice to a teenage girl. (Thanks to Thomas for this gem) The best part of her little mini sex sermon is when she says "If young people talk to me about what to do if they're being pressed for sex, I tell them that oral sex is a hundred times safer than vaginal or anal sex. If you're in a situation where you cannot get out of sex, offer a blow job. I'm not embarrassed to tell them that."

Why thank you Sharon Stone! I am so glad that you are teaching young people that the best thing to do when one feels pressured or badgered into sex is to make sure to provide some sort of pleasure. Because then you can go home later feeling even more fucked up and confused then if you had just run out of the room or kicked the guy in the nads to escape. Now you can mix even higher doses of shame into the situation and tell yourself "Well, I blew him, so it mustn't have been rape or sexual assualt. It was all my fault. I feel so dirty." You really are a gem of wisdom in the crown of Hollywood royalty. We should get the President to appoint you to some sort of cabinet position so you can spread your genius to the masses on a global scale.

Or better yet, maybe you and Kim Cattrall can get together and write another sex guide called "Sexual Intelligence 2: Everything You Ever Needed To Know From Two Sexist, Slutty, Stereotypes But Were Afraid To Ask.