3 Clothing Pet Peeves

1) Flip Flops:



Can someone explain to me why anyone wears these outside of communal locker rooms/showers or for beach or poolside uses? They have got to be the dumbest piece of footwear ever created, and I am also including those horrible sneakers with spring heels. Those are pretty hideous but they seem to serve some sort of purpose. I am always astounded at the vast number of people walking all over downtown San Francisco (where I work) with flip flops on. Do they not know the sidewalks are covered in pee, poop and barf? Or, at the very least, pee molecules, poop molecules and barf molecules? Do they want some random rodent that lives in the Mint building to come bite their toe and give them 101 diseases? I saw some tourist dude who was maybe swearing in German as he hopped down the street on one foot while he cradled his other flip-flop clad foot in his hands because it had a huge, bloody gash on it! This is the city taking it's revenge on your stupid footwear choices! And you know what? Safety aside, the majority of people who wear flip flops have some NASTY HOOVES. And none of us want to see them. Cover that shit up!!

2)Shirt tucked in with no belt:


(P.S. ZACK ATTACK!!)

This makes me almost murderous with rage when I see it. I don't know why - maybe someone who tucked their shirt in and didn't wear a belt killed my family or touched me where the bathing suit covers or stole Christmas or something. I really have no logical explanation but it's like the red cape to my bull-self. I totally want to kill/maim/destroy when I see it because it seems so very wrong. I mean, hi, there's belt loops for a reason! And so many cute belts out there to slide through them. The worst offenders of this are Men Who Tuck In Their T-Shirts. This prompts almost as violent a rage in me but not quite. The only person that is acceptable from is James Dean and that is because he was hotter than the sun. And nary are any of you are James Dean, so don't even try to play that shit. If you're going to tuck something in, wear a belt. But if you don't and suddenly I am behind you stabbing you with a gigantic knife well, now you know why.

3)The Hipster V-Neck T-Shirt:



Dear Baby Jesus,

I was told you love us all and will protect us from harm. But clearly I was lied to because you've allowed this abomination to walk among us. Is it punishment for our sins that we have to see the sunken chests and sternum bones of every greasy-haired, ugly-mustached hipster boy in existence? Is there perhaps some sort of penance we could do to right this wrong? I would be willing to give up chocolate and porn and Buffy on DVD for a whole month or something! Just tell me what I need to do so I never have to see this ugly-ass bullshit again.

Hugs and kisses,
Chriso

P.S I especially hate it when they pair these shirts with some sort of horrible neckerchief or scarf. It makes me believe the devil has won.

Ex-Boyfriends @ Pop Roxx @ DNA Lounge, Sat. 8/18!!

Come on down and see us rock the midnight show at Pop Roxx! The color theme is purple if you wanna dress accordingly.

Click the image for more details!!

Pearl Necklace @ the Mall

pearl necklace
Originally uploaded by ohnochriso

There's a joke in here somewhere, I know it...

Ex-Boyfriends @ the Uptown in Oakland, Sat. 8/11!

Come see us! Click the image for more info!

All Cell Phone Companies Can Seriously Suck It.

Sprint can suck it. Helio can suck it. Suck it long and hard until their jaws hurt.

2 weeks and 1 day ago I dropped my Sprint Motoral Razr phone, which had not been an awesome phone to begin with - screens freeze up, battery had to be changed twice because it would stop holding a charge, shitty camera, etc. When I dropped it the LCD was cracked and basically unreadable. Since I, like most cell phone users, no longer memorize phone numbers the way I used to, I had to get a new phone since I can't read the contact list. I also can't see any text messages, take any pictures, etc. I went to Sprint to see what could be done I was told that the insurance I pay for every month would get me a "refurbished phone". Not a new one, mind you. One that was used and had been "refurbished", whatever the hell that means. I had a refurbished phone over a year ago after my old phone was water damaged. The refurbished phone was unreliable in the battery department, the keys were not always responsive and I had problems with the volume adjustment. Oh, and this refurbished phone would cost me $50 - that is what insurance with Sprint will do for you: make you spend more money!

I snatched my semi-functional phone out of the Sprint employee's hand and walked wordlessly out of the store. I felt like this was the perfect opportunity to get the hell out of my Sprint contract, even if it would cost me some money. After chatting it over with My Boyfriend The Gadget Expert I decided to get a Helio phone. He had one and loved it but, being the gadget guy that he is he now had an iPhone. I'd love one myself but my budget really doesn't make it so buying a $600 phone AND paying a $200 Sprint cancellation fee plus whatever else they fling at me is a really good idea. And since Helio uses Sprint's network (which is actually the one good thing about Sprint) it seemed like the perfect macth. I went and bought a white Helio Drift for about $60, came home and called them so they could port my old number over to my new phone. I was told it would take up to 72 hours for the number two port.

So yeah, if you read the beginning of this post then you guessed it: two weeks later and the number still has not ported. Yesterday I decided it wasn't worth the hassle and I would just cancel the port and get a new number. But when they tried to cancel it and give me a new number it wouldn't go through right away because of some problem on Sprint's end. So, are you keeping up with this? Here's a laundry list of what Helio has done wrong so far:

- Entered my Social Security number incorrectly.
- Spelled my last name wrong despite the fact that I literally spelled it eight different times when I made the initial port request.
- Told me that when they fixed the SS number problem in a matter of hours.
- Told me that once the 24 hours passed for the system to recognize my correct SS number then it would be only 24 more hours till my number ported.
- Told me it would only take a few hours for the port cancellation request to go through.
- Told me I could call on a Saturday at noon EST and the port team would be there to check on my cancellation.

It's a fucking saga at this point. And I am totally trapped. I swear, I am going to just smash both phones with a hammer, get some tin cans and a string and kick it old school. So, to recap: FUCK SPRINT. FUCK HELIO. To Be Continued.