Sartorial Sunday #3

I have a confession to make. No, no, not the one about this not working out to be every Sunday. I have made peace with that. No, I have a confession to make about an addiction of mine. It's something that has been building up over time and I can no longer pretend that it doesn't have me in its clutches. I am completely and totally addicted to tab collar jackets. Phew, man, it feels good to get that out into the open and not to live with my dark secret anymore. And I'm sure some of you share this condition and we can be there to support one another in the struggle.

Okay, but for reals, tab collar jackets totally rock my fucking world. As you can see in the evidence below:



I think the first tab collar jacket I got is that Levi's denim jacket on the right near the leather jacket. I remember when I tried it on in the store it was like my life magically changed in an instant. In the neck area. I don't know what it is about a tab collar but it makes my eyes so happy to look at one. I now kind of hate jackets with regular collars on them. At least on me. They are fine on others but I gotta have the tab or I'll die or something. Or just like my jackets less. Except for one or two regular collar jackets that I adore. Anyways! The funny thing is, I kind of hate shirts with the same kind of style - not that any are around currently, thank jeebus, but you never know when they could come back in a horrible wave of retro late 80s/early 90s/Color Me Badd/Kenny G type fashion revivals. Because that was some seriously horrible shit, that whole collarless shirt craze. No, seriously, REMEMBER?



AAAAGHHH, MY EYES!!! IT BURNS!!! *shudders* So yeah, just say no to the collarless shirts and just say, yes, yes dear lord in heaven YES to the tab collar jacket. You can still neatly tuck a collared shirt beneath one and rock a fabulous look that will instantly make your life way more awesome in the neck region.

And now, dear readers, we move to this week's part of the post where I discuss a current fashion trend or style that I am not particularly fond of. I was reminded of a certain trend the other day when I was reading a free copy of the generally enjoyable Arthur magazine. They had a "fashion" spread which consisted of several photos of one of my most hated current trends:hipster bohemians. What is this trend, you may ask? Observe:


(Although it may pain you, click to see the larger version.)

Sigh. Where do I even begin? Once again, a group of 21-23 year olds (sorry, kids, I know it's not ALL of you) feel the need to mine the late 60s/early 70s for another "fresh" take on the fashions of that day. I don't know what it is about it that fills me with such violent dislike. Perhaps it's the hideous headbands? Or the fucktarded mustaches sported by the grease covered men of this particular subsection of society? Maybe it's just the fact that I am tired of spoiled little trust fund kids who want to look like filthy, dirty, scabies-riddled hippies when they could probably pay my rent with the loose change they have shoved in the bottom of their over-sized, slouchy, suede purses? Whatever it is, I abhor it. My eyes want to revolt at the sight of these horribly-clad denizens, attempting to leap from my skull and roll to safety.

And it's not like I have something completely against anything vintage or retro in fashion. I don't! But I am sick to death of these hipster retro COSTUMES where everyone looks like they fell out of some mold or another: Filthy 80s Hooker Mold! Unwashed Crab-Riddled 70s Gay Hustler Mold! Hideous Orthopedic Early 90s Grandma Mold! And the list goes on and on and on and when oh when will they stop??!?! Probably never. The Hipster epidemic seems to be akin to an incurable disease: eventually we'll just get used to it and forget about what a scourge it seemed when it first appeared. But maybe, just maybe, one day someone will come up with a cure. Until then, I will be on hand to mock them and clutch my pearls in distress and dismay at their painful, painful outfits. And hairdos. And faces.

Addendum to Sartorial Sunday #2

I don't know how it is I forgot about this when I was discussing horribly unflattering styles of jeans. I guess it was because I was mainly talking about mens jeans. At any rate, I must add, neigh, IMPLORE, the young ladies of the world to STOP TRYING TO BRING BACK HIGH-WAISTED MOM JEANS!!!!



I know that the percentage of you rocking this look are hipsters and you can't help yourselves - something in your genetic makeup has hardwired you with a desire for hideously ugly clothes worn with a nauseating sense or irony. But this is just not fucking okay. Please, do all of our eyeballs a favor and stop wearing these vile denim creations!

And for those of you who think I am exaggerating I have seen at least 5 different women wearing these during my work-related errands in the Mission in the last 48 hours.

Sartorial Sunday #2

This week's Sartorial Sunday post is all about my love for Modern Amusement clothing. Specifically, all the awesome little details they put into their garments. I can't quite remember where or when I discovered Modern Amusement - probably at some overpriced boutique in the Castro - but I loved their clothes right away. I did not, however, love their price tags. Don't get me wrong, they create some quality garments and I don't think their prices are uber-outlandish. They're just not all that feasible for my usual budget. The first piece of Modern Amusement clothing I owned was this awesome blue jacket that my then-boyfriend bought for me. It's a soft corduroy and has a very simple, almost Mod look to it with all sorts of cute details featuring their ubiquitous bird logo:







I loved and still love the jacket as an entire garment, but all the little details are what won my heart. From this moment on I was pretty hooked on the M.A. clothing but, again, budget issues prevented me from gorging myself on all of their clothes with abandon. Thankfully, we live in a world full of bargain shops and used clothing stores! I have seen a ton of Modern Amusement stuff at affordable prices either new at places like Nordstrom Rack, Burlington Coat Factory (yes you read that right) or used at other shops like Crossroads, Buffalo Exchange and online at eBay. I personally love buying used clothing from these kinds of places because it's almost always in good shape and it's a nice way to shop without always triggering a demand for new goods. And I've totally scored some really good finds at these places. Whether it was a stripey polo shirt with a cool hook-and-eylet closure instead of normal buttons:



A brown polo shirt with wood finish buttons and metallic silver thread for piping on the sleeves and collar:




Or a black and white plaid dress shirt with French cuffs and little knotted cord cufflinks:



The cool thing about their clothes is that, aside from some of their tees and real casual stuff, they're not super trendy. You can buy something used or "last season" at a bargain store and not have it be so Horrible Trend of the Moment that you look really dated and pathetic for still wearing it. You know, kind of like the queens we all see still sporting those diagonal stripe dress shirts that haven't been in since 2003 and yet you can still buy them somewhere horrible and tacky *cough* "Injeanious" in the Castro *cough*. Anyways, I totes appreciate the folks at Modern Amusement for making some classic pieces with a little extra kick to keep them from getting boring and generic. About a year or so ago I decided I needed a bit of a makeover because I was stuck in this jeans, tees and hoodies rut that made me look like I was trying to pass for 25 all the time. M.A. are one of those clothing companies that makes shit that allows me to show some more style without looking stuffy and conservative. So, hearts to them! And if anyone who works there sees this post and wants to thank me with a gift of free clothing, please don't hesitate to contact me. Hey, a boy can dream!

Okay, so, on to Sartorial Sunday's fashion dislike for this week. I thought about picking another hipster item like last time but I reconsidered as there has been something that is sticking in my craw a lot lately: ill-fitting men's jeans. I swear that I see more dudes walking around in some frumpy, dumpy jeans that totally make them look like they have Poopy Diaper Butt. This is not good! It is, in fact, very, very bad. Possibly the devil's work. One of the main culprits in this case is Levi's 501 jeans:



Ack! NARY! I feel like they tried to really spruce these up on the Levi's Store site and make them look all cool and stuff but let's be honest, they look like ass! And I am not trying to say jeans need to be all skintight but why do they need to be so saggy and frumped-out that you can fit another pair of pants under them?! At least they aren't in a shittacular, super-light wash that automatically makes all men look like they live in the suburbs and own a riding lawn mower. But! Then! We have the even more hateful RELAXED FIT JEAN:



Dude ain't even fronting about these jeans staying on by themselves. They're a baggy, shapeless mess and he's letting us all know this by holding on to the waistband for dear life in the vain attempt to give himself some semblance of an ass. But lest you think I am 100% hating on Levi's, I say nary! All the jeans I currently own are from Levi's. They have a few styles I currently dig which are totally flattering and allow one to possess an ass and not look either too painfully trendy or too painfully dated: Slim Boot 507 (get the darkest wash - you can see it in the pop-up window for different views of the jean - it's sexier and the "slim" refers mainly to the upper leg not being so balloon-y that you look like you're wearing denim M.C. Hammer pants), Slim Straight 514 (I gave a couple pairs of 514s that are too big for me to my roommate and they're 100x more flattering than his other jeans and he wore them tonight and, not coincidentally, may have gotten laid for the first time in months) and "Skinny" 511 (I say "Skinny" because they're far less hideous and exaggerated than most skinny jeans - which I loathe - and just look more fitted than anything. I like the dark wash they seem to only carry in stores).

See? It's totally possible to own some cute jeans and not have to spend a squillion dollars on some super-trendy, overly-adorned back pocket-having, crappo jeans that will fall apart in three washes and become uber dated 5 minutes after you put them on. Tune in next week when I will talk about some more clothing-related things I love and probably go back to hating on hipsters because, let's be honest, they're a never ending wellspring of awful clothing choices. Valencia Street in the Mission is starting to look like they're holding a casting audition for an all-white version of A Different World and everyone, guys and gals, want to play the Lisa Bonet role. Tragedy!

Sartorial Sunday #1

This is the first of a series of posts I plan to do on Sunday about things I love when it comes to clothing, fashion and all things wearable. I'll also probably include something I'm not a fan of because I'm a salty bitch and I can never resist talking about fashion trends or clothing styles I dislike. All of these opinions are obviously my own, I don't pretend to be some total master of fashion or the ruler of all good taste, so don't get too panty-twisted if I love something you hate or hate something you love. I am all about people loving their personal style but I will totally admit that a lot of trends-of-the-moment leave me cold.

This week Sartorial Sunday will be all about my love for Top stitching! I don't know what it is about this garment-sewing phenomenon but it fills my heart and eyes with joy just to look at it. When done well, it's one of those little details that makes a garment or shoe so much more appealing and exciting to me. It's also a cool way to make something that might be a little plain a lot less so without going all crazy with tons of details and 15 overlapping silk screens. This weekend I scored an awesome vintage jacket with some really sweet top stitching:





As soon as I saw it on the rack at Held Over in the Haight, little hearts started flying out of my head like a lovestruck Charlie Brown character. There's always that moment of trepidation when one is trying on a used item of clothing. You ask yourself a lot of questions like "Will it fit me right?" or "Will it look good on me?" or "Did the person who used to own this have crabs?" I am a huge used clothing shopper - it's where about 75% of my wardrobe comes from. Aside from the economic value of such shopping, it's also something that makes me feel a little bit better about not constantly increasing the demand for new goods. The downside is if it doesn't fit right and can't be tailored to do so, you're SOL. Luckily this cute li'l jacket fit me like a dream, much to the envy of my tall friend, Michael, who also coveted its sassy, top stitched ways. I didn't feel too bad thought since he has those long dancers legs and can wear tan suede and not look like a complete tool.

And now for Sartorial Sunday's fashion dislike of the week: Hipster Scarves! This photo collage of this annoying trend comes from the good folks at DieHipster.com.



While this photo mainly illustrates a kind of Afghani style of scarf, it is not the only kind I see on the masses of the great unwashed hipsters I see as I make my way through the streets of San Francisco. It does, however, seem to be the most popular. When I first started seeing it I thought it was a kind of subversive way of showing our Middle Eastern neighbors that not all Americans are total racist, hateful fuckstains who think all brown people are terrorists. But then I realized it was just more hipster wackiness! Who can understand what goes on in their minds? I mean, besides wondering if they're skinny enough to fit into their girlfriends' tiny pants or if they're successfully bringing high-waisted mom jeans back. Still, as much as I dislike this trend - even though I don't dislike the scarves on their own and have often thought they're quite attractive and nicely made (thanks for ruining something else, hipsters!) - it is a handy visual red flag that reminds me this person probably has a dirty butt, so you should not have sex with them!

See you next Sunday!!