Monday, May 12, 2008

"Get Ready for Real Men"

The above title for this post is the tag line for gay porn company Falcon Studios' new web venture, "Falcon STR8MEN" (NSFW, obviously). In case you missed that the first time, here it is again: a gay porn company is producing a line of videos for the web featuring allegedly heterosexual men with the tag line "Get Ready for Real Men".

Sigh. Really? Do we really have to do this? Again? Fine.

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK, FALCON? Do you just hate yourselves and the many, many gay men you employ and who consume your product? I can't really understand any other reason for this bullshit tag line implying gay men are somehow not real men than a massive dose of self-loathing. I mean, it's sad enough that you're just now hopping on the straight man fetish bandwagon that sites like Sean Cody and Corbin Fisher have been rolling for the last, oh, eight-plus years, but you have the gall to frame it as if, finally, your porn is going to contain real men?! What kind of men did it contain for the last thirty-some-odd years? Cylons? Were they mannequins that only came alive because Andrew McCarthy assembled them with loving care?

Do I have to even explain to you how incredibly fucked up this little piece of marketing is? Have you not grown up and lived in a world where gay men are frequently told that we're not actually men due to our sexual preferences? Because if you did, and I'm pretty sure you did, then I can't see how you can actually sleep at night knowing you paid someone to come up with that "Get Ready for Real Men" crap.

How are your dozens and dozens of gay male models and performers supposed to feel about that? How are the hundreds and thousands of gay men who consume your products supposed to feel about that? Are we supposed to be hot for it? Are we supposed to be excited for this crop of "Real Men" you're finally sending to our massive island of limp-wristed wannabes? Or should we just all boycott your products until you take that offensive piece of ad copy and, hell, the whole straight men worshiping site down and stop shitting all over our identities? Because I have to say, I'm personally leaning towards the latter.

And, finally, let's be honest here. We all know that all these sites purporting to contain "straight men" are largely full of homos. All it takes is one video where one of these "straight men" decide to "try gay sex for the first time" only to swallow a 10" cock to the pubes in the blink of an eye for any of us to see that it's all smoke and mirrors. My old boss in NYC was a big ol' homo from down South who used to write what was called "Girl Copy" for Playboy magazine. You know, the stuff that's all "My name's Chrissy and I love puppies and roller blading and taking two cocks at once!" It was written by a gay guy! It was bullshit! 99% of anything you read about a porn model on any of these sites or in any of these magazines is bullshit, including the alleged heterosexuality of most of the guys on these "straight" sites. And, while I don't like to deny anyone his or her personal fantasies, why do we have to force the fantasy that all gay men are really just into straight dudes and we'd all be better off trying to be like them? Most of us are actually plenty hot for our gay brethren and have no desire to get caught up in all of that straight guy-chasing mess.

In short, Falcon, stop taking a huge crap all over your gay male customers, talent and employees with this "Get Ready for Real Men" business. In my opinion, being a "real man" means knowing you don't have to hide behind a bunch of insecurity, self-loathing and lies in order to claim your maleness.

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