Crime of the Now

I was just running a quick errand and witnessed a crime. A really ridiculous, largely lame crime, but a crime nonetheless. I was walking up 14th toward Dolores when about 30 feet ahead I saw two guys pull up to the curb in a Jeep Cherokee type vehicle like they were parking. One of them jumped out and said "hey" to this guy walking up the sidewalk. The guy said "hi" back and then the dude from the jeep ran over to him, grabbed his bag of groceries, jumped back in the jeep and they sped off. They turned down Ramona which was right in front of me, so I made sure to get their license plate number. I then went up to the guy and asked if he wanted to know the plate number so he could call the cops. His cell phone had lost its charge so I let him call 911 on my phone and report it. An officer came a few minutes later and said he'd try to find them by driving around a bit but odds were they had drove off to another neighborhood.

The theft victim was a medium height, thin, blond gay guy. He had kind of a feminine voice and had to tell the 911 dispatcher on the phone to not call him "ma'am" multiple times. The dudes in the jeep were these stocky, white, wannabe homeboy types and I felt like they probably thought "Hey, let's rob the little fag! It'll be hilarious!" I mean, it was only groceries (although he was really pissed because he had a new bottle of Stoli vodka in the bag) and not his money or valuables and there was zero violence involved. But still. He thanked me for my help and I went on my way to finish up my errand, wondering if this is the kind of crime we'll be seeing in our current economic crisis. It's like outdoor shoplifting. I mean, shit, if you're so badass just waltz into Safeway and steal the shit off the shelf. At least that way you're not a total dick snatching away someone's hard-earned food and booze.

So if you live in SF and you see a black or possibly dark green jeep with the license plate number 3LWS883, hold on to your groceries and maybe kick that dude in the junk if he approaches you.