Hipster Hanky Codes

As many of you may know, we homos have this thing called The Hanky Code. The Code has strong ties to the leather and SM community and it's generally an old school thing. Some people keep it alive today and most gays worth their salt at least know some of the Hanky Code basics (left pocket is top, right is bottom; red is for fisting, dark blue is for fucking, etc). Some folks refer to the hanky in the back pocket as "flagging" and will say "Oh, so and so is flagging blowjob top" and so forth. Outside of The Wild World of Gay, not many folks know the Hanky Code even exists, let alone what it means. But you generally don't see straight people rocking the bandana in the back pocket anyway. Until now.

If you live in a city or town that has a lot of Indie Rock Hipster Dudes in it, then you will know all about this new phenomenon. From out of nowhere, with seemingly no awareness of the aforementioned Hanky Code, I am seeing Hipster Boys all over the country "flagging". No lie. When Ex-Boyfriends were on tour for most of this month, I kept seeing all these Indie Rock Hipster Boys with hankies hanging out the back of their pockets! There was always a basic uniform that went along with said hanky. It usually involved a skinny Hipster Boy wearing very tight, tapered, black jeans a la The Ramones, black Converse All Stars, some sort of tight t-shirt with a tight jacket (usually denim, sometimes leather) also black, dyed black hair that was usually meticulously messy and a hanky in the back pocket. The hanky was, more often than not, red or black. Said hanky was also, more often than not, in the back right pocket of the aforementioned hipster. Oh, and this is most important of all: these Hipster Boys were almost always with some Indie Rock Hipster Girl. And not in a "Girlfriend, I wanna dye your hair black after I bleach it underneath and make you a punk rock babe" kind of way. In a "We're a couple" kind of way. So clearly they were not homos.

But despite all of this information, all I could see was a bunch of boys flagging as fisting and SM bottoms. And somehow knowing that this was not the case and these boys were just hopping on the latest Hipster Fashion Trend, I found myself almost annoyed with them. I wanted to drag them all to the Folsom Street Fair and watch the hilarity and shenanigans ensue. It dredged up all my annoyance at these F.N.G.(Fey Not Gay)© boys who can get away with dressing like teenage goth girls and not have to worry about it meaning that they're queer.

But then I thought about it a bit more and realized something: this might be the birth of The Hipster Hanky Code that I am witnessing. Maybe the black hanky means "I listen to noise rock" and the red one is all "I am emo, I wear my heart on my sleeve". I mean it makes sense if you think about it. How else are a bunch of people who are all so invested in being socially awkward, shy and self-hating supposed to find each other so they can date/bone? And how are they going to make sure that their music collections are worthy of co-mingling before they have even spoken? That baby blue hanky will let you know that your intended Hipster Mate leans towards the sweet fragility of Belle And Sebastian or Mates of State just as the shred of burlap clues you in to his or her proclivity for new folk acts like Devendra Barnhart and Joanna Newsom. You're not a fan of The Decemberists? Then stay away from that rakish lad with the purple, crushed velvet hanky in his back right pocket. And remember boys, the hot pink hanky may indicate her love for Sleater-Kinney but it also may mean she's not interested in you and your Hipster Cock. Shocking, but true.

And now that I've figured out this is what's happening with the Hipsters, I'm not mad at them. Sure, they are mining a part of queer culture to make it their own but let's face it, we've always been trendsetters. And frankly, bandanas are so not hot, so they can have them. One thing did still give me a little more pause: I have not seen any of these Hipster Boys rocking a hanky in the left back pocket. But is it really any surprise that all Indie Rock Hipster Boys are bottoms? I thought not.