Ballad of a Ladyman

New Blog

2009-12-30T23:41:00.000-08:00

Not doing so much with this one now. But I started a project where I am writing letters to my father who passed away last year. Feel free to check it out: http://deardadblog.blogspot.com/

What's It All About, Chriso?

2009-05-07T21:51:00.000-07:00

Oh my blog, how I have neglected thee. Which is not a surprise. As soon as I was accepted to the full time cosmetology program at Cinta Aveda Institute I knew my presence here would fade significantly. What I didn't realize is that my desire to be present here would also follow suit. It's particularly interesting because my life is currently fuller and more exciting than it's been in the longest time. My time is pretty much consumed by school and my band. And since those are both two things I love a lot I am spending tons of time doing fantastic, fun, thrilling and challenging things. So why aren't I writing about it more?

I was trying to document my beauty school experience for awhile in my Livejournal but I quickly lost the focus and drive to do so. It felt like I was trying to process everything into this format as soon as it happened but it ended up feeling kind of false; like I was trying to frame it in a way that was entertaining or consumable for a reader. But really, all I wanted to write was "OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE I GET TO DO THIS EVERY DAY, IT'S SO AWESOME. ALSO I AM SO TIRED." And that is still how I feel most of the time. And that's not all that stimulating of a read, is it? Sure, I could work at making it one, but that doesn't hold much sway for me right now.

I don't want to put down anyone who keeps a blog; even a blog that I might think is a as boring or pointless as the day is long. Because I think writing about things, expressing yourself and sharing your thoughts is always a great process to undergo. But I also think that there can be times in one's life when one is too busy living to write about it. And I think that is a lot of where I am at right now. I have rarely felt as in the present as I do lately. Not that I never reflect on the past or contemplate the future. But it's usually about things like "Oooh, I wonder what hair services I get to do at school tomorrow" or "I can't wait till the new album is finished". It's all very much focused on things that I am currently involved in and excited about. And things that I don't feel like endlessly processing through this particular filter. This is a similar feeling I had when I ran out of steam for writing zines. (Although there were other mitigating circumstances that were souring me on that genre altogether) I started to feel like I was trying to force my life experiences through that specific filter instead of just fucking living. And I really am not trying to insult you if you faithfully maintain a blog. Or several. It's just where I am at right now and it feels worth sharing. And hey, if you're really tied to blogging, maybe see how it feels to take a few weeks off from it. Just give it a try.

In the meantime, I am doing hair and making music and feeling like the luckiest motherfucker just about every day. I highly recommend finding a situation that makes you feel the same. It rules.

Ex-Boyfriends Recording Blog!

2009-05-01T23:05:00.000-07:00

My band, Ex-Boyfriends, have started a blog about recording our third album. Go check it out and follow along on all of our wacky misadventures!

http://exbfrocks.blogspot.com/

Finished

2009-04-06T07:27:00.001-07:00

My memorial tattoo for my Dad is done now. And I fucking love it so much. Tattoo by Clio at Black & Blue who also did my Athena piece. She is the shit. You need to get inked by her.

Riot Grrrl is Turning Over In Its Metaphorical Grave

2009-03-03T23:59:00.000-08:00

All thanks to the idiotic ramblings of the Vivian Girls.

Vivian Girls: Fish Out of Water...Sometimes.

Vivian Girls: Just Write a Good Song.

Sure, Kathleen Hanna may have said "like" about 100 times per interview. But she said it in the context of discussing radical feminism and then turned around and helped create amazing songs like "Double Dare Ya", "Rebel Girl" and many others. From what I can glean, Vivian Girls make shambolic, reverb-drenched indie pop with 60s overtones (so! original!) and talk shit about everyone who isn't a part of their white, hipster world. How fresh! I love when they talk about normal people as if they're SO outsider and other and odd. When all I see are 3 hipster white girls who pretty much seem like every other mainstream high school mean girl but somehow just dress a little kooky.

So Far

2009-02-24T21:55:00.001-08:00

My memorial tattoo for my Dad, 3/4 of the way finished. Tattoo by Clio at Black & Blue who also did my Athena piece. The symbol alongside the heart is a Marines symbol. My Dad really loved his time with the Marines and I felt like it would appropriately symbolize him. I will post the finished results when it's done in a few weeks. I'm really happy with how it's turning out so far. You really should get some work from Clio if you live in the Bay Area, she's fucking awesome. And her rates are really reasonable right now but bound to go up in the near future.

Wow. Just, wow.

2009-02-01T15:17:00.001-08:00

A Cartoon About The Mission

2009-01-21T22:47:00.000-08:00

marriedtothesea.com

An Average Day

2009-01-21T22:37:00.000-08:00

FINALLY!!

2009-01-20T09:01:00.000-08:00

Fucking Finally

2009-01-14T19:19:00.001-08:00

Johannes Mehserle, the BART cop who shot and killed Oscar Grant was arrested and is being charged with murder after waiving extradition.

Alameda County District Attorney Tom Orloff said today that Mehserle had been charged with murder because the evidence showed that Grant was the victim of an unlawful, intentional killing.

The evidence, Orloff said, included witness statements and video footage that has been widely aired on television and the Internet, prompting broad outrage.

In addition to those videos, Orloff said BART had obtained camera footage that has not been seen by the public and proved to be "very valuable."

"From the evidence we have, there's nothing that would mitigate that to something lower than a murder," said Orloff...

And to further quote:
BART board member Lynette Sweet, who called for Chief Gee and BART General Manager Dorothy Dugger to lose their jobs because of how the initial investigation was handled, called the arrest "a great start."

"I just hope that this is for real and that it didn't happen on the eve of this huge rally just to diffuse anger," Sweet said in an interview. "Let's hope it's not a farce. No matter how this plays out, I just hope that justice is served. All eyes will be watching."

I am right there with Lynette. I really hope this isn't a bunch of bullshit and he won't serve any time. But I am AMAZED that he is being charged with murder. He deserves nothing less, but I thought that wouldn't happen.

Oh, make me over...

2009-01-12T22:07:00.001-08:00

Today I began my new life. Which sounds like a really dramatic way to say "I started beauty school" but it's not actually dramatic, just true. Since I graduated from college in 1997 I have worked at one job or another or another or another as a waiterretailclerkqualityassurancetesterofficmanager and dealt with the dissatisfaction that all the iterations of that life can bring. Today I began my first day of schooling to change what I do with my professional life and it fucking rocked. Seriously, even going over the student manual was engaging. I can't believe I get to spend this year learning and learning and learning all of this new stuff. I feel really lucky and excited and intimidated and giddy and thrilled.

And tired, good lord. I was sick all last week and this weekend with a cold-turned-sinus infection and last night I could hardly fall asleep on time due to nerves and excitement. Thankfully orientation day was fairly low-impact and I had a wonderful appointment with my acupuncturist afterward and she loaded me up with natural remedies and gave me a good, long needling session. In my extra-budgeted life this year I really want to make my splurges on these kinds of things as opposed to meals out or cute clothes, which we all know I love. I'm gonna be around students and teachers and clients all the time so I'd rather splash out on wellness and preventative treatments than frivolous crap. That said, if anyone wants to gift me with an iPod Nano or something (my old iPod died a sad death a few months back) to make the bus rides more joyful, I would not be all pious and say no to it. Also, I actually don't expect anyone to buy me that. Maybe just Jesus.

I have a feeling I won't be on here or other interweb places nearly as much this year since I won't have any time/access at school. But I actually don't think that's bad in any way. And this is secretly my favorite "beauty" song there is, no matter how cheesy that may be. Do you think Courtney even remembers being this Courtney?

Thoughts on BART Shooting

2009-01-08T10:52:00.001-08:00

I'm a little surprised that I haven't seen anyone on my LJ friends list writing about the fatal shooting of Oscar Grant by BART police on January 1st and the resulting protest/riot last night. I'm not saying that in an admonishing way, but more like I tend to see some folks writing about that stuff on my f-list. At any rate, I've been reading a lot about it and watched the news coverage about the protests and an upcoming BART meeting open to the public this morning. The video footage is particularly intense and damning and it's really hard for me to wrap my mind around why Johannes Mesherle (the cop who shot Grant) thought pulling out his gun was necessary at all. Especially when he had a taser on his hip as well. Mind you, most folks are saying it was unnecessary for him to draw ANY weapon, but the gun is so excessive and extreme. Said cop has resigned from his job with BART but he is keeping close-lipped about the incident. Why he hasn't been arrested or brought in for questioning when the police managed to arrest 100+ people at the riot/protest last night is beyond me.

The whole incident is like a horrifying combination of Rodney King and Amadou Diallo and it seems likely that the meager amounts of justice dealt out in those situations will be mirrored in this one. As I got ready for work this morning and listened to the news stories I thought about how many foolish blog posts I read around and after the election implying that Obama's victory would somehow erase not only present day racism but the scars of slavery and racism's violent past in this country. And then something like this happens and it all comes crashing back just how untrue those hopeful, naive statements were. And, sure, people will argue that race has nothing to do with this shooting but honestly, how many more unarmed black men need to be shot in this country before we stop dusting off that old, tired argument?

I always feel a little naive when I am surprised or horrified by situations like this - like I should expect them and be numb to them. But somehow I am always dumbfounded by how horrible shit like this can keep happening and happening.

Awesome

2009-01-06T12:44:00.001-08:00

(Click for larger)

Going back in for a touch up appointment soon to finish off the helmet and redo any black parts that need it. But it's SO FUCKING GOOD!!! Once again, all praise to Clio at Black & Blue Tattoo for her amazing work. She has officially graduated from apprentice to full-on artist at the studio and, clearly, does fantastic work. Go see her!

Ex-Boyfriends @ The Elbo Room 1/23/09!

2009-01-06T12:30:00.000-08:00

We're playing the launch party for the SF Indie Fest at the Elbo Room on 1/23/09 so come and check us out!!

SF IndieFest Presents
A Benefit/Launch Party for the
11th San Francisco Independent Film Festival
Fri Jan 23, 9p
with
Shotgun Wedding Quintet - 11:30
Ex-Boyfriends - 10:30
Pollo Del Mar - 9:30
Plus Festival Previews

At Elbo Room, 647 Valencia at 17th
21up, $10, all proceeds benefit the SF IndieFest

Timely/Hilarious

2009-01-05T00:44:00.001-08:00

marriedtothesea.com

New Year's Eve in Photos

2009-01-02T01:37:00.000-08:00

Year in Review

2008-12-21T01:47:00.000-08:00

By all standards 2008 was the hardest year of my adult life. In January, my relationship of 3 and a 1/2 years to my boyfriend Ryan ended and I moved out of our place (we'd lived together for almost 2 and a 1/2 years) and in with a new roommate. As I adjusted to this new situation and the inevitable whirlpool of emotions around it my Dad continued to deteriorate as a result of the terminal lung cancer he was diagnosed with in November 2007. He left this world on September 29, 2008 and in some ways it's like time has been put both into slow-motion and high speed fast-forward. With every passing day it sinks in a bit more that the world I live in has not been and will never be the same now that he isn't in it. The ripples of his death resonate in ways that I think I've only begun to feel. Some days it's like I can't accept his absence without feeling like a gaping abyss is opening up beneath me and it will suck me in forever. Other days it's as if everything is the same as it always was. After all, I didn't see my Dad all that often with him living in Florida and all. But when I really look at the world around me closely it isn't the same. Everything is slightly off - the colors wrong, the objects ever so fractionally out of place. And that is how they'll always be until I adjust to the world without my father in it and it becomes my new reality.

In this new world, so many situations that would have seemed cliche now reveal themselves as a natural part of grieving. The saying "you learn who your friends really are" when applied to times of difficulty is 100% completely true. I saw friends who I mostly thought of as "social" friends rally around me during my Dad's death and support me in ways I never imagined they would. I watched as people I thought I was close to drifted away, possibly unable to deal with the difficulty of death. I was reunited with one friend whom I'd fallen out with a few years ago and our friendship both picked up where it had left off and quickly moved forward as both of us had grown and changed so much since our falling out. She came back into my life right as my Dad was nearing his end and she offered up much support without hesitation or a thought for anything that had been difficult between us in the past. At the same time I finally let go of trying to maintain a one-sided, frustrating friendship with someone who loved to call me part of her "family" yet became so increasingly self-involved and invested in being a professional victim that she couldn't even muster a few words of comfort or support for either my breakup or the death of my father. In both situations I was 100% true to myself and chose my paths very consciously. I'm thrilled to have my former friend back and, frankly, relieved to be done with the other. I have no time to suffer fools and anyone who can't spare an iota of their energy in one of my most difficult periods is no friend of mine.

So all of this must seem pretty grim. And yet, as the year draws to a close, I often find myself feeling better than I have in months and months. I still miss my father desperately and I know that is nowhere near ending. But instead of letting everything that's happened this year pull me into some bottomless pit of despair I keep pushing forward into the future, making decisions about my life that focus on progress and personal and professional growth. When I need to put the brakes on and spend the day sitting around in my pajamas watching DVDs and sitting with feelings of loss and loneliness and melancholy, I do just that. I sit with it. It doesn't define and inform my entire existence and I make no decisions based on it. And then the next day or the day after that I stand up, shower off those gray hours and keep walking forward even when the steps feel heavy and uncertain. I don't write this to brag or to present myself as invincible or to get sympathy for being some long suffering victim. I write this to remind myself when I feel completely the opposite of invincible that each day ends and the experiences of that day are as finite as anything else. I remind myself of the last ten years where my Dad and I had the best relationship we'd ever had. I remember the times Ryan and I were truly happy. I think about all the great music I've been lucky enough to help make. I think of all the fantastic songs in the world and how I get to listen to them whenever I want. I think of friends present and past and how each one of them played some role in me being where I am today and how much I cherish and have cherished them. And I remember that every year ends, even the hardest one so far.

"I don't think I'll wake her. I'll just sleep with my pearl-handled Beretta"

2008-12-15T13:02:00.001-08:00

Wow, do you remember this?

"Maybe tomorrow, maybe someday..."

2008-12-11T16:57:00.000-08:00

I've been so busy between work and trying to get finances together for beauty school and trying not to let the tides of grieving for my Dad pull me under that I seem to neglect this blog more and more. I'll often push the button to start a post and stare at the blank box with an equally blank mind. It's like there's so many things swirling around in my brain that I can't put anything down in a sensible way.

When this happens to me I tend to try and lose myself in music and let it wash over me, bringing some kind of succor. The song "Talk of the Town" by The Pretenders is my favorite song by them as well as one of my favorite songs, period. It's full of perfectly crafted pop brilliance and enough wistful melancholia to fill me with both a sense of longing and a feeling of being lifted up. So it's pretty perfect for right now.

The Wisdom of Athena

2008-12-08T01:13:00.000-08:00

I just got 3/4 of a new tattoo done today! I'll be going back in a few weeks to fill in the black night sky, some black on the shield and helmet, the owl detail and the outer frame. I am SO happy with it already!! It might be the endorphins from getting tattooed, but I am in the best mood I've been in for months. I ran all the way up the hill from the bus and could barely keep from yelling out in excitement as I walked home. Thank goodness for new ink!

Original artwork here. All praise to Clio at Black & Blue Tattoo. She may be "only" an apprentice but her work speaks for itself and it says "FUCKING AWESOME!!!"

Ice Queen

2008-12-03T08:15:00.000-08:00

It's pretty much a given that I will make a post every few months (or weeks) with fabulous photos of Siouxsie Sioux that I find on the web. You can either bask or move on, but you're life is less awesome if you do the latter.

I found these following images on Digitalhuckle's Flickr page. I love the way they span from androgyny to exaggerated femininity and Siouxsie works them all.

And here is the Siouxsie & The Banshees song I am currently obsessed with.

Teen Dramatic

2008-12-02T09:00:00.000-08:00

The first guy I ever "dated" was a drama major at Emerson College named David. He was friends and schoolmates with my best friend Sarah and we fooled around once during one of my weekend visits to Boston. Nothing really happened between us for months and months after messing around, but I got it in my head that I was madly crushed out on him. Mind you, I was actually madly crushed out on a "straight" high school classmate of mine named Hubie, but I was deeply in denial about it. Hubie and I would hang out endlessly and fall asleep on his dorm room bed in the middle of the evening. Well, he would sleep. I would lay next to him holding my breath, hoping he'd nudge his leg against mine one more time.

As Hubie and I hurtled toward an inexorable climax of sorts in our relationship, I somehow managed to start "dating" David, who had now graduated from Emerson and lived in New York City. I don't even remember how it happened, but our relationship mainly revolved around our telephones and mailboxes. We'd have long conversations that involved me curling up on the bench in the dorm room phone booth as we blathered on about anything and everything. I remember loving the time I spent in the phone booth talking to him - it was terribly romantic and seemed like exactly the kind of thing two lovestruck youths should be doing with their spare time. The epistolary side of our relationship was even more flushed with giddy, gushy, love-ness. David would write me these long, poetic letters with dark, vampire-ish, theater major overtones and send me little gifts along with them. One such gift came in the form of a mix tape that contained a ton of songs I forget and one song that stood out from all of the others: "Pearly Dewdrops' Drops" by The Cocteau Twins. I'd never heard a song like it in my life. And even though I couldn't understand a fucking word Elizabeth Fraser was singing, the song spoke to me on some visceral level. It filled with me with longing and melancholy and I was sure it was about someone as tortured, lovelorn and angst-ridden as me, and I played it until I wore out the tape.

Eventually, I went to visit David during a round of visits to some NYC-area colleges. I remember this really emotionally contained goodbye I had with Hubie where we joked about being a married couple having to separate for a vacation and then shared a too-long, too-tight hug. But it was nothing compared to how emotionally unprepared I was for having A Boyfriend in the Big City. After spending 24 hours with David I fled back to the apartment of a friend I was also visiting in Brooklyn and broke up with him via phone. It was a cowardly thing to do but I was 18 and he scared the crap out of me the way he seemed to want to devour me whole. I guess all of that intensity was fine over the phone or in letter form. But in person? In New York City? It was more than my naive little self could handle. I returned to New Hampshire and my barely-concealed object of love. It wasn't long before Hubie and I finally fooled around and, right afterward, he became distant and detached and found a new best friend; a girl this time. Even though I can look at that whole time with heaping spoonfuls of bemusement, the song that I associate the most with that whole period still works its magic on me as if I were 18. Although it holds more of a wistful, transcendent tone than it did back in my drama-laden days of yore. I still have no clue what in the world she's singing about. But I think I like it better that way.

ACCEPTED!!!

2008-11-25T22:08:00.000-08:00

I GOT ACCEPTED INTO THE COSMETOLOGY PROGRAM AT THE AVEDA INSTITUTE!!!!!!!

I meet with the Director of Admissions on Tuesday to work out a financial plan and, from there, pick my start date!!!

No Guilt

2008-11-24T17:15:00.001-08:00

I was talking to my pal Ron on IM about musical guilty pleasures and I said "I generally feel no guilt about any music because if it brings me some kind of joy or pleasure or catharsis or whatever, then it's good to me." When I was younger, about college age, I discovered punk rock/indie/underground music and spent some time being very concerned with the credibility of my music collection. The beloved Bananarama albums and 12" remix vinyl got pushed to the side in favor of Bikini Kill and Huggy Bear, the Voice of the Beehive, Mary's Danish and Shakespear's Sister CDs got shelved behind Superchunk, Unrest and Versus discs while I made sure that my record collection reflected the fact that I was Punk/Indie Since Birth and had never trifled with such pop confections or uncool song choices.

Thankfully, that period of time was short-lived and soon my many musical loves, cool or uncool, merged together in one collection and Keren, Sarah and Siobhan sat proudly alongside Kathleen Hanna and hundreds of others spanning the many genres of music I love. From then on I've really had a hard time mustering any guilt for any music I've enjoyed, whether it's been fleeting or long term. I went through a period in the late 90s where I really enjoyed the second Sheryl Crow album and played it as much as I played my beloved first Team Dresch album. I got sick of it eventually but I still sing along with songs from it if I hear them out in the world. Two weeks ago I couldn't get enough of these four Mariah Carey tracks I always enjoyed when I heard them on the radio so I found them on Limewire, downloaded them and played the fuck out of them for about 7 days straight. Do I think these are some of the best songs written in the world? No. Do I think they're loaded with substance and depth and rich meaning? Also, no. But are they well-crafted pop songs that bring me some kind of enjoyment for a moment or two? Yes, indeed.

Music is my most favorite form of art, bar none. It's a populist art form that anyone can access and enjoy. It's both incredibly personal and totally public in the same moment. A song can have intense, almost sacred meaning to someone as they play it alone in their room and then can explode with cathartic revelry when it's experienced in a live venue full of eager, excited fans. In the same way, a goofy, manufactured pop song can make you dance around like a maniac and have a lot of fun all on your own or with a group of people, sweating and singing and loving every sugary minute of it. And this can all be done guilt-free. Guilt is one of the most pointless emotions in existence, especially when it comes to music. If you're guilty about music you love or pretend you don't to everyone but yourself then you care too damn much about what people think and about your "cred" in some elitist music scene. Sure, I might not have a lot of respect for someone who loves the hell out of some Alan Jackson 9/11 song but if they love it then they love it and there's nothing I can do about it. That's the beauty of music: no one is going to love every song ever written and what may be someone's most treasured tune may make someone else wish they were earless. But, no matter what, you should never feel guilty for loving the music you love. You should just play it as loud as you want and let it work its magic on you.

"Situation" Video Debuts on LOGO this Sunday!

2008-11-24T14:45:00.000-08:00

[I copied this from our Myspace bulletin because I am lazy. Ex-Boyfriends' video for "Situation" is FINALLY making it onto LOGO!]

It's time to set your DVR on "stunning" or chug a cup of coffee so you can stay up late this Sunday to see the debut of our video for "Situation" on LOGO's NewNowNext program! Now you have the chance to see all the wet, muddy, bondage-y goodness on an actual TV screen as opposed to in a squishy little YouTube video player. Here's the schedule for that Sunday so you make sure to watch/record at the right time.

We're super excited, naturally, and await this video debut as a vehicle to propel us from virtually unknown to slightly less unknown. Hooray!

xoxo EXBF

The Labels Don't Lie

2008-11-21T16:33:00.001-08:00

Not so much of a fail, really.

see more pwn and owned pictures

"Life's not the French Riviera!"

2008-11-20T17:14:00.000-08:00

They just don't make TV theme songs like this anymore. And it's a damned shame that they don't!

Indeed

2008-11-19T10:13:00.001-08:00

more lol celebs!

Wow, wow, wow!!

2008-11-16T10:56:00.000-08:00

Hilarious comedienne and all-around awesome individual Wanda Sykes just came out as a lesbian within the last 24 hours!

"You know, I don't really talk about my sexual orientation. I didn't feel like I had to. I was just living my life, not necessarily in the closet, but I was living my life," Sykes told a crowd at a gay rights rally in Las Vegas on Saturday.

"Everybody that knows me personally they know I'm gay. But that's the way people should be able to live their lives," she said.

Sykes, who is known for her feisty and blunt style, said the passage of California's Proposition 8 made her feel like she was "attacked."

"Now, I gotta get in their face," she said. "I'm proud to be a woman. I'm proud to be a black woman, and I'm proud to be gay."

Sykes' appearance at the Las Vegas rally surprised organizers. She was in town performing at the Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino. "

My aunt recently said, in reference to my Dad's passing and some personal revelations that have happened as a result, that you always have to look for "the gift" in all situations. And while that phrase may seem a bit hokey or cliche, I definitely agree with her. So maybe while all of this shitstorm around Prop 8 is happening we're seeing some positive results like this. I mean, this is seriously huge! I can't think of another out, black woman who is so well known in the entertainment industry.

Okay, I actually love this.

2008-11-14T11:26:00.001-08:00

Fully laughed out loud and everythang.

more lol celebs!

Keepsakes

2008-11-11T13:13:00.000-08:00

I recently traveled to Maine to join my family in memorializing my Dad and spreading some of his ashes in one of his favorite spots on the planet. My Uncle and Aunt put together a great scrapbook for me full of photos of and clippings about my Dad. Click all photos to see larger versions.

I'd never seen my Dad as a kid or a young man. His face was always very tanned and weathered as a result of his decades of working outdoors as an iron worker. I think I just imagined him being born that way - a little baby with deep lines and tanned skin!

Such a little ham, totally playing all cute to the camera!

I think he looks so much like a 50s movie star in these photos. I love the style of old photos so much, even the somewhat cheesy colorizing that makes everyone look like they have makeup on.

My Dad really loved his time in the Marines. This is a photo of him in his dress uniform with some of his Marine pins. I am working on a memorial tattoo concept that will incorporate the iconography of the pin.

My own in-progress albums of photos I have of him. My favorites are the ones of us together when I was very young. I don't really remember those times but seeing them brings me a lot of joy. Almost every one of them involves him playing with me and my toys and it brings to mind the joyful, playful side my Dad always had despite some of his darker, more difficult moods.

I have already looked at these photos dozens of times, multiple times a day. It's nowhere near a substitute for having him here but they definitely are a bit of a salve on the wound of loss.

No on H8, Yes on Racism

2008-11-11T00:58:00.000-08:00

I've been reading more and more blog posts lately by white gay people who are so pissed off at the black voters who voted in favor of Prop 8. Bitching about how they "threw us under the bus" (such a tired, overused phrase, please retire it) and how we all voted for Barack Obama so where's our electoral reach-around as thanks for helping them out and getting their man into the White House? I see so many white gays drawing some thick, bold line paralleling being gay whites to being black in this country and I can't believe people are STILL trotting out that particular argument. It's like I've been catapulted back to the campus queer group at Sarah Lawrence College where, when queer students of color complained that the group put so much focus on the issues of queer white people and made it really unwelcoming towards queer people of color they were told "If you don't feel welcome, that's your problem. We're not excluding you." As if simply laying out a "Welcome" mat was all it took to eradicate the complex issues creating this divide in the first place. Only this isn't just a campus , this is that cultural/political crash writ large - an excuse for white gays to demand that their agenda once again be the sole focus and any untidy "others" can just hush up and tow the party line.

I really hate it when I am made to feel embarrassed by or ashamed of "my people".

Jasmyne Cannick has written a fantastic op-ed piece in the L.A. Times addressing the issues of the black community, specifically the black gay and lesbian community, and Proposition 8. Her piece echoes so many of the things I heard when I was in the campus queer group back at college and I have kept hearing ever since: there is more to the lives of black gay and lesbian people than their sexuality. They experience other forms of prejudice in the world and have other issues they are simultaneously faced with that have little to nothing to do with their sexualities. They are not divorced from the heterosexual black community around them and are not capable of dividing themselves up based on identity traits and ignoring certain things to champion a singularly gay issue. As I said to someone replying to a post in a friend's Livejournal about the parallel between the goals of the gay civil rights movement and the goals of the black civil rights movement:

"I guess I fail to see, in some ways, how the gay civil rights movement and the black civil rights movements are working for the same goals. I think it's one thing to talk about the interconnectedness of oppression and how things like racism, sexism, homophobia, etc. do not exist as entirely separate entities. But I don't know if I see a direct parallel between the two movements. Part of the problem lies in the fact that sexuality cuts through so many things - race, class, gender, nationality, body, ability, etc. It's such an incredibly difficult issue to organize around and, more often than not, the leading voices of the movement assume a focus on the part of all community members - regardless of other aspects of their being outside of sexuality - on these very gay-centric issues. This is not to say that, on the flip-side, all black people agree on and deal with the same issues. But there is a lot more commonality of experience and unity in terms of what problems face many people in that community. So I think it's really difficult and rather disingenuous for white gay people to keep drawing such direct parallels between the two communities/movements.

This is not to say that their can't be coalition building, community outreach and an attempt at education on both sides. But it seems like the response from the white gay community has been much more about hostility and blaming than it has been about dialog."

Here is a pretty great video from Jasmyne Cannick's site that is far more eloquent than me and my rambling:

On a more simple note, blaming one group and lashing out with racist epithets at rallies is hateful, shameful and appalling. You want black people to see the right for gays to marry as important as their struggle for civil rights and then you turn around and shower them with hate speech when they don't all agree with you? How fucked is that? I mean, look, I am no Larry LoveTheWorld by any means, but it seems like for all the "NO ON H8" stuff I am seeing from blog to shining blog, it's almost always followed by noxious spewing of hatred against pro-8 racial groups or pro-8 religious groups. Are we all so immature that we don't get how hating doesn't fucking end hate??

In the end, I am a white gay man, so I am as much a part of the community whether I have problems with it or not. So I hope that I can help to be a voice of reason and try to create a dialog among my peers to talk some of them down from their racist high horses. Because, in the end, I think the issues coming up post-Prop 8 around racism and the tension between white gays and the black community - gay or otherwise, are kind of a lot more important than just the issue of gay marriage. And if that makes me a bad fag, well, so be it. It would hardly be the first time.

P.S. Adding a link to this fantastic LJ post by slit on the subject.

I feel so lucky

2008-11-04T20:25:00.000-08:00

To be able to witness this historic moment.

Let's hope it's onward and upward from here.

And that Prop 8 doesn't fucking pass.

I so wish my Dad was here to see this!

In Honor of Election Day I Bring You...

2008-11-04T10:56:00.001-08:00

ANXIETY!!!!!!!!!!!

Click here to download "Anxious" by The Housemartins and let it's catchy, jittery goodness poke your brain all day!!

How Does Gay Marriage Hurt You?

2008-10-31T09:32:00.000-07:00

I made this impromptu video last night because I honestly want to know the answer. I don't want to hear about religious belief or sanctity of marriage. I want to hear how gay marriage could actually HURT any given individual who is against it. Because all I hear is a bunch of people quoting bullshit and talking about things that are honestly none of their business.

Holy shit, this blog is amazing!!

2008-10-30T10:34:00.001-07:00

With much thanks to for introducing me to it, I must tell you to go read the Margaret & Helen blog right the fuck now!! It's seriously amazing. Here is the bio of the blog:

My name is Helen Philpot. I am 82 years old. My grandson taught me how to do this so that I could “blog” with my best friend Margaret Schmechtman who I met in college almost 60 years ago. I have three children with my husband Harold. Margaret has three dogs with her husband Howard. I live in Texas and Margaret lives in Maine.

This is an awesome, albeit blurry photo of them:

And here is a little taste of their blog to show you how amazing it is:

Is there a draft in here?
(Seven Posts in Seven Days - Day 2)

I cannot believe this is even close. How did America get so far off track that a week out from this election many still think it is too close to call?

It was either a few years ago or a few months ago… at my age it all blends together. But I remember it was all over the news and on the cover of all the magazines. One of those new ”starlets”… Paris or Brittney or Lindsey or Chutney or something like that - one of those starlets got caught getting out of a car without her under garments. That’s right. Photographers all around and her hoo-ha was out there for everyone and God to see because she forgot to put on a pair of panties.

I know you all know what I am talking about. It was all over the news. Scandalous they said. Out of control. She needs help. What is the world coming to? EVERYONE was shocked and EVERYONE was talking about it. How could she? What kind of a role model is she for young girls? I know you all remember it. If my scattered brain can remember it, I know you can. People didn’t have to be told how the cow ate the cabbage on that one. We all knew it instinctively.

Well imagine my shock and surprise today when I came across this little item. The latest polls show that only 55% of Americans think that Sarah Palin is not qualified to be President. 55%! FIFTY FIVE PERCENT! This about the woman whose best qualification for the job to date is that she can see Russia from her house. So what exactly does Sarah Palin have to do before the other 45% of this country is shocked enough to realize that she is a “whack job”? Please Lord don’t tell me she has to show her hoo-ha in public.

If, in fact, you are reading this blog and think that Sarah Palin is actually qualified to run the country… well I suggest you check and see if your panties are on because the joke just may be on you.

And as far as McCain goes. Panties or no panties, he’s got to be questioning what he has unleashed on the Republican party. That whack job isn’t going anywhere and the closer we get to election day who knows what she will try. So hang on to your panties everyone. There might be a few skid marks before this is all over.

Harold and I voted early and we voted for Obama. Margaret hasn’t voted yet. She is reading these comments and talking to me every night. If I had to guess today what she will do, I would say that on election day she is going to put her big girl panties on and tell the whack job to go to hell. See, Margaret loves animals and the whole shooting wolves from the air thing has her really upset.

Thanks for stopping by. Get out and vote. I mean it.

And that's just one fantastic post. Helen seems to do most of the writing but she writes a lot about talking with Margaret too. I am so thrilled to discover this and, once again, have the myth dispelled that older folks are all staunch conservatives with closed minds. I have a feeling I will be reading this blog more today than I will be doing my work. Oops!

Crime of the Now

2008-10-29T15:15:00.001-07:00

I was just running a quick errand and witnessed a crime. A really ridiculous, largely lame crime, but a crime nonetheless. I was walking up 14th toward Dolores when about 30 feet ahead I saw two guys pull up to the curb in a Jeep Cherokee type vehicle like they were parking. One of them jumped out and said "hey" to this guy walking up the sidewalk. The guy said "hi" back and then the dude from the jeep ran over to him, grabbed his bag of groceries, jumped back in the jeep and they sped off. They turned down Ramona which was right in front of me, so I made sure to get their license plate number. I then went up to the guy and asked if he wanted to know the plate number so he could call the cops. His cell phone had lost its charge so I let him call 911 on my phone and report it. An officer came a few minutes later and said he'd try to find them by driving around a bit but odds were they had drove off to another neighborhood.

The theft victim was a medium height, thin, blond gay guy. He had kind of a feminine voice and had to tell the 911 dispatcher on the phone to not call him "ma'am" multiple times. The dudes in the jeep were these stocky, white, wannabe homeboy types and I felt like they probably thought "Hey, let's rob the little fag! It'll be hilarious!" I mean, it was only groceries (although he was really pissed because he had a new bottle of Stoli vodka in the bag) and not his money or valuables and there was zero violence involved. But still. He thanked me for my help and I went on my way to finish up my errand, wondering if this is the kind of crime we'll be seeing in our current economic crisis. It's like outdoor shoplifting. I mean, shit, if you're so badass just waltz into Safeway and steal the shit off the shelf. At least that way you're not a total dick snatching away someone's hard-earned food and booze.

So if you live in SF and you see a black or possibly dark green jeep with the license plate number 3LWS883, hold on to your groceries and maybe kick that dude in the junk if he approaches you.

Ex-Boyfriends @ The Stork Club, Halloween Show 10/31/08!

2008-10-28T13:17:00.001-07:00

We're super excited to be playing a Halloween show this year at The Stork Club in Oakland, CA with our good pals Vitamin Party - who are celebrating the release of their new CD, and Collisionville. We'll be in costume, they'll be in costume and so will everyone in the audience who knows what's right. And we hear tell there will be prizes for awesome costumes, and admission is $2.00 cheaper if you do, so don't hold back!

And don't forget to follow us on Twitter for up-to-the-second updates and tidbits.

INFO:
The Stork Club
2330 Telegraph Ave. Oakland, CA 94612
9:00, 21+ $5 w/costume, $7 without, prizes for awesome costumes all night!
Vitamin Party
Ex-Boyfriends (we're on second!)
Collisionville

"Dear Diary,

2008-10-24T16:25:00.001-07:00

I want to kill- and you have to believe, it's for more than just selfish reasons, more than just a spoke in my menstrual cycle."

I hear you Veronica, I hear you.

Oh Kellogg's Diner, we hardly knew ye...

2008-10-23T14:06:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my friend Jimmy I found out that yet another part of my Brooklyn past has been revamped and fancified beyond belief. "Williamsburg's Kellog's Diner Goes from Shabby to Chic."

Before:

After:

My old band had so many post-practice, post-show meals there. It's just kind of startling how much Manhattan and Brooklyn and everything just keeps changing and changing and changing.

The Genius of Jane Horrocks

2008-10-22T20:57:00.000-07:00

I want to go out and have drinks with her.

Go tell it on the mountain and hallelujah too!!

2008-10-21T23:56:00.000-07:00

From Tights Are Not Pants.com via defenestr8r. SPREAD THE WORD!!!

Functional Accessories

2008-10-21T10:59:00.001-07:00

There are so many times in my life when this kind of head-wear would come in quite handy. So many people all over the city with their shirts tucked in but not wearing a belt would be felled by my tiara of doom!

Vote for My Roommate'sLandscaping Business

2008-10-20T10:18:00.000-07:00

My roommate's landscaping company, Rose & Thistle Landscaping, is in the running for Best Landscape Design on SFGate.com. Please send him a vote so he can get lots more clients, make loads more money and reduce my rent due to his incredible wealth!!

Also, he does a fantastic fucking job of landscaping!

Click here to vote!!!

Snark Overload

2008-10-19T00:26:00.001-07:00

Last night I was talking on the phone with Peta and we were discussing how we feel like we've both reached our limit with all of the snarkiness around the election. I love humor, don't get me wrong. And I totally understand how humor can be cathartic and unifying in times of distress and anxiety. But I also feel like things have gotten to a point where, due to the instant availability of images, videos and blog posts, people who support Barrack Obama often seem like smug, snarky assholes. Now mind you, I am not saying they are. But after the umpteenth parody video and altered photo and clever song reworked to be about Sarah Palin, I start to actually wonder if there might be some harm done as a result.

Not everyone who is voting in this election is young. Not everyone is in their teens or twenties or even thirties or forties. There are people my Mom's age and older. And, while I am not at all trying to insult people of a certain age and saying they don't "get" certain kinds of humor, snarky/uber-sarcastic humor is definitely a generational thing. To a lot of people, a LOLCAT-esque picture of John McCain makes about as much sense as wearing a gorilla costume to Sunday mass. I am not advocating that people all get deadly serious and don't express themselves creatively and humorously around these issues, that's not it at all. But I do feel like there's so much sarcasm and so much satire that it kind of detracts from the very real and serious shit that is going on and will inevitably impact our lives. It's not going to be fucking funny if we end up in a country where Sarah Palin is a heartbeat away from being president and there's no amount of Tina Fey schtick that will make that any less scary.

Oh, Mark-Paul...

2008-10-17T12:31:00.001-07:00

Inspired by Mr. Peenee's recent post about his lust for Mario Lopez a.k.a. A.C. Slater from "Saved By the Bell", I would like to discuss my sadness over Mark-Paul Gosselaar, another SBTB alum and longtime object of my lust. Let's examine how very hot he became as an adult.

EVIDENCE:

He made such a good choice when he stopped being a bottle blond.

He made an even better choice when he chopped his hair super short for

And it was even okay when it got a little shaggy.

BUT THEN!!!!!!!!!!! T_T

He turned into a hair farmer for "Raising the Bar", the previews for which look SO overwrought and melodramatic that they border on parody. And I love me a courtroom drama.

And I am not totally anti-long hair or anything. But this is just bad, bad, bad and greasy, greasy, greasy. WHY, MARK-PAUL, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME AND MY LOVE YOUR CHOAD?!?! YOU LOOK LIKE A HACKY-SACK PLAYING DOUCHEBAG!!!!

Okay, sorry, lost my composure there for a second. Let's bring things back to a happy place with pictures of his naked butt from "NYPD Blue":

Sigh, so much better. I will be okay with that ass no matter your hair looks like Mr. Gosselaar.

Alls I can say is...

2008-10-16T17:37:00.000-07:00

....BISH PLEASE you do too fucking know when you're ripping off huge designers, Ms. Kenley with the Tired Fifties Bangs. I smell the bullshit you're stepping in and it's ankle deep.

McQueen rip-off.

Balenciaga rip-off.

"We're The Stains and we don't put out!"

2008-10-16T14:43:00.000-07:00

Theory:

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains is kind of like a punk rock version of All About Eve. And not just for the way a young woman climbs her way to the top with her guile and charm leaving a trail of trampled people in her wake in each film. The endings have a similar resonance with Eve ending up trapped in the world she so desperately sought to gain access too and Corinne and The Stains becoming the very thing they set out to be the antithesis of.

Yes? No? Thoughts?

Oh. My. God. Shoes.

2008-10-14T01:38:00.001-07:00

My new insomnia-based activity I do to try and zone out my brain is looking at shoes online that I could never afford. And since I can't afford them I can't buy them so there's nothing wrong with me wanting these Bruno Magli loafers in every color available, right?

*drool*

Beyond Unfortunate

2008-10-09T10:21:00.000-07:00

Here are three reasons why Suede, Joe and Jerrell are not part of the final three competing at Bryant Park for Project Runway's big ol' prize. They always have decoy shows since Fashion Week happens before the finale so now one will know who is actually in the running to win. Click the photos to see each designer's unfortunate collection.

Suede's Easter Eggsplosion Vomitorium with Detachable Train.

Joe's Yawntastic Re-Working of Wonder Woman's Chonies Into an Evening Gown.

Jerrell's 900 Fabrics 'n' Jewels Walking Nightmare Terror Dress.

Everyone's Doing It

2008-10-08T17:07:00.000-07:00

But I am going it MORE.

Ex-Boyfriends @ Thee Parkside on 10/25/08!

2008-10-07T11:28:00.000-07:00

We've been holed up for a bit working on new songs and hiding in the dark confines of our practice space and now are ready to emerge into the sunlight like slightly blinded mole people. We're playing a great show at Thee Parkside on Saturday October 25th with Mount Vicious (featuring former members of Replicator) and The Re-Volts. We're gonna have some new songs to play for you all so please come out and rock with us and all the great bands playing the show!

Remembrance

2008-10-06T10:06:00.000-07:00

My father did not want a funeral and so my family honored that. But I felt I needed to do something for myself to have some sense of closure. On Saturday October 4th some of my friends met me at Baker Beach where I read something I wrote about my Dad and then threw a bottle out into the ocean with a photo of us in it and a copy of what I wrote. My friend John Goldie took photos of the whole thing for me. It was a very emotional experience but also very needed. I can't give enough thanks to my friends who came out to the beach with me and my friend Jules for putting on a wonderful brunch afterward, full of loud talking and drinking and laughing which all were as needed as the memorial.

Eulogy for my father, Gilbert Walter Ohnesorge
May 20, 1941-September 29, 2008

I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to start this, what to say first about my Dad, a man I’ve known my whole life. How could I come up with the perfect first words or sentences? I started to write several things and then erased them. And then I realized it’s impossible to find the perfect words to express something as intangible and profound as the impact my Dad’s love and presence has had on my life.

I wish I could say that my father was a happier man in his 67 years on this planet. He often struggled with deep depression and it colored so many aspects of his existence. But in spite of the sorrow that seemed to cling to him he was one of the most loving and loveable people I have ever known. Anyone who met him, from the waitress taking our order at restaurant to a friend of mine meeting him for the first time, fell in love almost instantly. He was a charming, warm and engaging man, quick with a laugh and a joke and armed with an encyclopedic knowledge of everything from competitive sports to wildlife to architecture and many subjects in between. He gave so much love and support to those close to him, even if he would more often turn away from those same people when they tried to provide comfort or insight into his many personal, inner battles.

My mother and father divorced when I was two years old and from then on I only saw my father on alternating weekends, holidays and my birthday. From a young age I could tell he often struggled with his ability to be a father. As a child I often misread this as him not being able to handle having me in his life. As an adult I came to realize that he often didn’t think he was a good enough person to even be a father. And yet, when I spent much of my childhood and adolescence performing in local and school theatrical productions, my father was always there to cheer me on, whether I was playing the lead in a musical or a talking animal with three lines in a staged fairytale. I remember one time, although I don’t recall which play, that he told me he liked my performance that night but thought I was stronger in a previous production. Some people might think this to be cruel on the part of a parent. But I remember being so excited that my Dad was taking what I was doing seriously, even at such a young age. He was giving me constructive criticism as opposed to patronizing me and talking down to me, the way so many adults do with children.

When I was twenty-five my Dad went through a brief spell of trying parent me as if I were still a teenager: telling what to do and not do and trying to impose rules on my life even though I was living in a completely different time zone as him. We argued about it a great deal until, during one heated phone conversation, I told him that it was too late to be this kind of father to me. He expressed regrets and guilt about things he felt he should have done or said when I was younger. I stopped him saying that there was no magic spell or time machine that would allow him to fix the past so, instead of trying, why not just try to have a good relationship with me now, as adults. I don’t know if he ever fully let go of his guilt, it’s impossible to say. But I do know that he listened to me about trying to have a good relationship with me in the present. From then on I noticed a change in the way we related to each other. We had much more honest, adult conversations and I came to feel like I could talk to my Dad about a lot of things that I never could in the past. And he’d listen and be more honest with me than most people in my life.

But one thing that never changed about my Dad, no matter my age, was the way he said “I love you” to me at the end of every phone call. It was always the most genuine, emotionally true expression. I could feel it and hear it – his voice would change when he said it. It never had the false ring or call-and-response feel that it can have with some people. It was always pure and conveyed so much by saying so little. And that is what I will truly miss the most about him. I would give anything to have one more phone call with him just so I could hear those words one last time. But I know that even that would never be enough.

I love you forever, Dad.

Your son,
Chris

Flood Watch

2008-10-01T16:16:00.001-07:00

I have not cried at all since my Dad died on Monday morning. My eyes watered a little bit that afternoon when I was talking to someone on the phone but that faded as quickly as it took to blink my eyes. I suppose I shouldn't worry about this at all. Everyone grieves in different ways. I am probably in shock. It will take time so sink in. [Insert useless homily about response to death here.]

My father did not want a funeral. And he is not having one. I am not a fan of funerals in the least, having been to three already in my life: one for my father's mother, one for my mother's mother and one for my ex-boyfriend's mother who died when he was only nineteen years old. That had to be the worst of them all. His mother was Catholic and the entire funeral seemed more like a chance for the priest to expound the virtues of his religion and how it would save us all from hellfire and damnation than it was a time to remember and celebrate and memorialize her passing. Months later, when Abe was capable of discussing it, he told me how he had wanted to rush forward and choke the life out of that man as he blathered on and on about his mother's guaranteed entry to heaven and made it clear he knew so little about her. So maybe I should be glad that Dad didn't want a funeral after all. He wasn't particularly religious or spiritual so what would that even look like? Except I'm sure he's not the first non-religious, non-spiritual person to die and yet I bet several of them had some kind of service, some kind of memorial, to note their passing.

My father did not like himself much at all. He was a deeply unhappy, incredibly depressed man who seemed to live his life with the weight of his many demons bearing down on his shoulders. I am confident in thinking that his lack of desire for a funeral was not merely due to his nonexistent religious beliefs. I think my father couldn't imagine making anyone of us go to all that "fuss" over him. Because he won't be missed, right? He did so much to close himself off from life that he never saw how people instantly fell in love with him - from friends to family to lovers. Or, if he did, it was always something he glimpsed for a brief moment before he decided to shut us all out again and hide from the love we had.

A few weeks ago I was in the shower and I started composing potential eulogies for my Dad in my head. At this point I did not know about him not wanting a funeral and I thought it might fall to me to say a few words about him. I wanted to, despite the daunting task of trying to encapsulate someone's life into a few paragraphs. Especially someone with whom I spent much less of my life than I did with the mother and stepfather who raised me. But that doesn't mean I was not more than willing to try and find the words. Maybe my Dad thought he'd be doing me a favor by not asking me to. Maybe he thought he was saving from some sort of hassle or difficulty.

My father is being cremated and he wants his ashes spread in three different places: Florida, where his girlfriend will spread some of them near a jetty he loved to spend time at and was a meditative, peaceful place for him to be; Hawaii, where a friend's daughter will spread them in an area my father loved during a vacation and Kennebunkport, Maine where his parents lived for so many decades and where me, my Aunt, Uncle and other family will spread the remaining ashes at an as-yet-undecided point in time. I am glad we'll get to have this moment and this closure, but it feels like it needs to happen this second. I feel like I have a clutch of hummingbirds living inside my chest where my heart usually is - filling me with nervous shaking and tears that stop short of leaving my eyes. Maybe a funeral or memorial would do nothing to bring them out. Maybe it would. I have no idea.

2008-09-29T07:58:00.001-07:00

Gilbert Walter Ohnesorge: May 20th, 1941 - September 29th, 2008. Rest In Peace, Dad. I love you.

Oooh, oooh, oooh!!

2008-09-26T12:55:00.000-07:00

I cannot WAIT for December now!! Harmony's coming back!!

Is it too much to ask for a Harmony vs. Xander super-girly, slap-fight rematch?

I'm Too Sexy for this Blog

2008-09-24T12:08:00.000-07:00

I've decided that I'm making a career change and becoming a fiiieeeeese runway model. Look, I've already started.

Thanks to Donald at Art is for Losers for the thinspiration!!

DO NOT WANT!!!

2008-09-23T17:57:00.001-07:00

Clay Aiken on my team! No, no, no, no!!

Gwyneth Paltrow is the Living Emdobiment of Privilege. And Annoyance.

2008-09-22T15:08:00.001-07:00

And now she has the website to prove it! I think the phrase "Nourish the inner aspect" now makes me want to vomit more than any trite, neo-hippie/new age bullshit phrase ever has.

Click image to see larger version.

I didn't think I could dislike her more. Apparently she is hellbent on proving me wrong.

Cosmo Wants You To Get an STD!

2008-09-19T17:38:00.001-07:00

Otherwise why would they they print advice like "Brush your teeth with minty toothpaste before going down on me. It'll feel extra shivery." - Patrick, 24.

Aside from not believing that "Patrick" gave that advice at all but it was generated during some sort of "How To Ruin Sex for Straight Women" type of brainstorming meeting, it's a great way to possibly cause bloody wounds in your mouth so you can be extra prone to infection when sucking cock.

I know that I am not a heterosexual woman and all and thus not their target audience, but bad sex advice pisses me off to no end. And our culture is lousy with it.

French & Saunders: Joan Collins Expert

2008-09-17T12:06:00.000-07:00

Inspired by one of today's posts on Fabulon - my current favorite blog, I bring you this hilarious French & Saunders sketch I uploaded awhile back. Jennifer plays the vapid morning chat show host and Dawn plays the resident expert on all things. In this clip she is an expert on the one and only Joan Collins.

One of my favorite lines is when Dawn mutters "Nobody wants to know about Britt Eklund" near the very end. Enjoy!

Wow, I kind of suddenly love Megan Fox!

2008-09-16T14:15:00.000-07:00

Who knew?

“With any of the Miley Cyrus shit, or any of that Vanessa Hudgens shit—I would never issue an apology for my life and for who I am. It’s like, Oh, I’m sorry I took a naked, private picture that someone is an asshole and sold for money. I’m sorry if someone else is a dick. No. You shouldn’t have to apologize. Someone betrayed Vanessa, but no one’s angry at that person. She had to apologize. I hate Disney for making her do that. Fuck Disney.”

When the interviewer tells her that she probably just dug her own grave. She responded: “Yeah, that was probably a bad move—they own everything. But it’s not right. They take these little girls, and they put them through entertainment school and teach them to sing and dance, and make them wear belly shirts, but they won’t allow them to be their own people. It makes me sick.”.

Click the text for more gems from Ms. Fox. I feel like I've said similar things about mainstream media machines who want to turn all young women into come hither sexbots but never ever allow them their own personal, natural sexuality. Just one that is manufactured and target-marketed for optimum effect.

"It's coming for me through the trees..."

2008-09-16T12:44:00.001-07:00

Some days you just need to experience "Hounds of Love".

Even in cover form it's still magical.

Escape to Witch Mountain

2008-09-14T20:44:00.001-07:00

Remember back when Disney was kind of awesome?

I do believe a viewing is in order!

Time Shifts

2008-09-12T21:04:00.000-07:00

The span of time from Friday September 5th when I bought my ticket to go to Sarasota and see my father and Thursday September 11th when I returned to San Francisco seemed like several long weeks while I was in the midst of it. While I was there I remembered that it's almost been a year since his lung cancer diagnosis which seemed almost impossible. How could I have fit all of that fear and anxiety and sadness and numbness into just 10 months?

The hospice social worker told me it's hard to predict a time line from when home hospice care begins and death. Generally they say that it seems to be a six month period. But sometimes less. But sometimes more. Basically, it's unknown. It's not like I expected an exact date, but the complete vagueness is the antithesis of comforting.

I thought the visit might hold something significant, like an important or meaningful conversation with my father. Instead it was loaded with more drama and fights and frustration - all courtesy of his girlfriend - than I could have possibly imagined. I came home feeling battle-weary and ready to retreat into some alone time in my cozy apartment. Between DVDs of old movies and delicious snacks I've tried to keep the image of my father's thin, frail body from popping up in my mind's eye every 5 minutes.

It's only kind of working.

Update on My Dad

2008-09-05T20:16:00.001-07:00

I am taking a red eye on Sunday to Florida to see my Dad. I'm taking the red eye because it was cheapest and doesn't arrive at an ungodly hour for his girlfriend to get me. He is having home hospice care right now and they are trying medicines so he can eat and drink since he's gagging up anything he tries to swallow. I bought a one way ticket.

News of the WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

2008-09-05T12:06:00.000-07:00

Porn performer Kurt Wild fired from his day job at Subway because a customer threatened to boycott the franchise due to Wild's gay porn work.

Seriously. This is not from The Onion. If he doesn't sue the living daylights out of Subway for discriminatory practices I will be shocked. The narrow-minded, high horse, bigoted bullshit of so many people just makes me want to vomit almost as much as eating and actual Subway sandwich. I'm sure the fuckstain responsible thinks there will be AIDS in their sandwich or some other such bullshit. Bring me a fucking axe.

O Mighty Isis

2008-09-04T17:07:00.001-07:00

I know America's Next Top Model is an incredibly silly reality TV show run by an even more silly former model. But it's also a guilty pleasure of mine. And this year the show has its first ever transsexual model in the competition and I think she's fucking awesome on a lot of levels, not the least of which is for her first shoot photo where she had to embody privacy rights as an election year hot topic (lord but Tyra loves to do her "topical" photo shoots):

So far there's been a fair amount of ignorance and straight up vile hatred, but Isis seems to be maintaining a relaxed attitude about the whole situation, even when I am screaming at the television "IT'S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS WHAT GENITALS SHE HAS YOU FUCKWITS!!" I hope she can maintain her spirit and keep delivering awesome photos. I know she has no chance of winning because Cover Girl would never accept a trans woman as the face of their media campaigns. But I like that she's there, even on something as frivolous as ANTM. Because so many people take shit like reality television really seriously and maybe having her on this show will open their minds a bit more.

God, I sound like a hippie. Anyways, Isis, you're rocking me. I apologize in advance for all the yelling I do at the TV when people are mean to you! Just ignore me and keep on fiercing it up.

Milk

2008-09-04T10:30:00.000-07:00

The trailer for Gus Van Sant's film about Harvey Milk is up on YouTube. It's already brought tears to my eyes. I can't wait to see this.

OM NOM NOM NOM!!!

2008-09-03T10:54:00.000-07:00

Foods I have made of late.

Caramel Cupcakes with Cocoa-Chocolate Frosting:

Cupcake recipe here (I did not use the recipe for butterscotch frosting that came with it). Dark Chocolate Frosting recipe here. I do not recommend doubling the frosting recipe because A)you have too much frosting and B)you will need to add cocoa powder and salt so it is not too sugary sweet.

Bacon Wrapped Chicken Breast!

Chicken breast was seasoned with cayenne pepper and basil flakes. The bacon was dusted with brown sugar. Cooked the breast for awhile until it was about 3/4 done then wrapped the bacon around it and cooked them together. Served with broccoli steamed with a bit of Brummel & Brown Yogurt Spread (great for lactards!) and seasoned pepper, Trader Joe's Carrot Ginger Soup sprinkled with some crumbled feta cheese and a slice of my roommate's sweet French bread topped wit the aforementioned spread.

Delicious Irony

2008-09-01T21:07:00.000-07:00

Mmmm, sop it up with a biscuit!

Via Blah the Quah.

Ladies, Women & Grrrls

2008-08-25T14:22:00.000-07:00

This weekend I was indulging in an occasional guilty pleasure: reading trashy rock 'n' roll biographies. I had read the Neal Karlen book about Babes in Toyland years ago when I checked it out of the library in my temporary home of Lincoln, NE. But I felt like reading it again and for $5.00 at Aardvark Books how could I resist snapping it up and reading through it in one sitting on Saturday? The book is even worse than I remember in terms of writing quality and dubious facts. But it reminded me how much I love the Babes and, naturally, sent me on a nostalgic trip through their sonic catalog that I've owned for years.

It also got me thinking: where have all the bands with women who play actual instruments gone? I know there are bands with more underground/indie cache like Erase Errata, T.I.T.S or The Bruises and I think that's awesome to have these folks existing in that musical world. But there was actually a time, believe it or not, where bands containing female musicians actually had mainstream exposure and a relative measure of success. And while I have no desire to insist that mainstream exposure is necessary for a band to be relevant, it's vexing to see the current state of women represented in the mainstream when you think about how the mainstream is the bulk of what most people in this world are exposed to. The fact that there was a time where people who'd never seek such sounds out in the underground (or just plain didn't know they existed) were exposed to bands and musicians ranging from Babes in Toyland to Belly to Juliana Hatfield, from Hole to The Breeders to early-career Liz Phair seems almost mythological, like a fantasy of a more progressive time that one would read about in a novel set in the future; despite the fact that it was often peppered with horrible buzzwords like "foxcore" and grown women were saddled with the often insulting/diminishing "girl band" moniker. Hell, even the amount of mainstream attention the stridently anti-mainstream Riot Grrrl movement received meant that people who weren't a part of that insular, underground world knew of the existence of Bikini Kill or Bratmobile or Heavens to Betsy. But what about now?

I have always loathed the way music journalists and critics compartmentalize and essentialize female musicians with the whole Women in Rock label/line of questioning. Much like the 2/3 gay band I am in, most women who have had such a title foisted on them want to be recognized as musicians first and foremost, not just a gender that is constantly met with shock and awe at their ability to create music and play instruments despite their lack of male chromosomes. But I think it's safe to say that a lot of those same women do see the value derived in other women, young or old, (and men too, for that matter) gaining inspiration from seeing them do their musical thing. These days it seems like the lion's share of women garnering attention in the pop music world are singers and nothing more. And often times "singer" is stretched to the utmost limits of its definition. Even someone like Feist, a singer-songwriter with a fair amount of popular attention, is more known for her videos where she dances around in American Apparel outfits than her actual guitar playing or songwriting. And while it's not her job to present herself as one thing or another, it still feels like a bit of a nod to the depressing state of how women are currently represented in the music industry. Former punkers-turned-pop-sweethearts, (and, some said, sellouts) The Go-Go's would seem downright alien in the world of popular music these days. I feel like if they appeared here and now for the firs time they'd be relegated to small-venue shows and minor indie fame status.

The break-up of Sleater-Kinney in 2006 and the subsequent dropping-of-the-radar of The Donnas (never a fave, but still) seems to have been at least a temporary nail in the coffin of female rockers with any kind of mass attention. The world of music is one full of swinging pendulums and sea changes so it's not like this is necessarily a permanent state. But when the pop music world is so full of Amy and Duffy and Rihanna and The Pussycat Dolls - despite the range of talents or abilities represented by that pop chart sampling - it feels like things are dismal when it comes to hoping for a world where the people actually know of women who can shred on guitar or beat the hell out of a drum kit or, hell, even write a weird, crossover, guitar-pop hit like "Feed the Tree", a song that would sound so totally out of place on the radio today. One can only hope that a young woman who has managed to discover the twisted nursery rhyme poetry of Kat Bjelland or is inspired by the drum-pummeling majesty of Janet Weiss is somewhere unconsciously (or consciously) planning how to show the world - men, women, boys, girls - that women can be much more than singing marionettes in the ever-mind-numbing landscape of pop music.

Hipsters Will Be the Death of All That is Good in the World.

2008-08-22T17:08:00.001-07:00

Read this fantastic and biting Adbusters article Hipster: The Dead End of Western Civilization.

Seriously, this article is fucking genius.

Widely Applicable

2008-08-21T15:18:00.001-07:00

If you just replace "food" with any other type of blogger category.

marriedtothesea.com

Siouxsie Sioux

2008-08-21T12:54:00.000-07:00

Really never in danger of not having "it" no matter her age, is she? Watch and learn, pop tarts, watch and learn. And enjoy these photos while you listen to the brilliant "They Follow You" from her flawless solo debut.

Can you decide?

2008-08-20T15:38:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in a bit as I have been A) busy and B) uninspired. But due to a hilarious discussion that came up at my workplace about bestiality (I work at a porn company, so our casual discussions are often inappropriate compared to other work environments) I thought of this possible brain twister of a question:

If you absolutely had to choose and there was no way out of it, who would you rather have sexual intercourse with: an animal or an immediate family member? (i.e. mother, father, sibling - no second cousins or hot step-uncles or anything)

I honestly don't know if I could decide. Like if the fate of the universe hung in the balance and my choice would ensure it's safety, the universe might be fucked.

Oh my God, I had to cross this out because the thought of either answer groads me out so much. So hey, what would you rather eat - a box of donuts or a box of donut holes?? DIFFICULT CHOICE.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH MURIEL PUCE?"

2008-08-15T12:49:00.000-07:00

Oh, honey, everything is wrong with Muriel Puce.

"Mr. Babcock, Knowledge is Power!"

2008-08-15T12:48:00.001-07:00

Isn't it though?

Buffy Manga Gang!

2008-08-14T22:47:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I got a little obsessed with Face Your Manga.com and made a whole collection of Buffy Manga avatars. They aren't perfect but I did my best and had myself a geeky ol' time. Enjoy!!

Row 1: Buffy, Willow, Xander, Giles.
Row 2: Angel, Cordelia, Oz, Faith.
Row 3: Spike, Anya, Tara, Joyce (in kitchen)
Row 4: Riley, Dawn, Bunny Anya, Dark Willow

Manhunt Loves John McCain

2008-08-14T10:28:00.000-07:00

If you've got a paid profile on the ever-popular gay hookup site Manhunt.net you might want to consider deleting it since one of the owners just sent John McCain a nice big check!

Ew. Ew. Ew.

2008-08-13T23:26:00.000-07:00

Why doesn't Woody Allen just film himself shooting his load on Scarlett Johansson's tits and get it over with?

In San Francisco:

2008-08-12T15:15:00.001-07:00

Lens-less glasses are the new neck scarf.

Discuss.

P.S. For those of you who don't believe me, feast your eyes on the horror:

In San Francisco:

2008-08-12T15:10:00.001-07:00

Burlesque is the new Electroclash.

Discuss.

Live On Stage

2008-08-10T16:35:00.000-07:00

Three Bands. Three Gay Drummers. So much fierce hotness. Photos from our show at the Hemlock last night.

Forever:

Puce Moment:

Ex-Boyfriends:

Ex-Boyfriends Show & Radio Reminder

2008-08-09T09:50:00.000-07:00

Today is totally Ex-Boyfriends Saturday! Here are the two things you MUST remember to do:

1) I'm going to be on Pirate Cat Radio this Saturday to talk about my band, play some songs and give away some tickets to our show at the Hemlock Tavern tonight! Tune in to 87.9 FM at 2:00 pm PST *TODAY* if you're in the Bay Area or you can listen on iTunes under the Alternative category or, better yet, come on down to their cafe at 2781 21st Street @ Florida Street.

2) Come to our show at the Hemlock Tavern tonight! We're playing with 2 fantastic SF bands, Puce Moment and Forever. Everything starts at 9:30, it only costs $7.00 and it's 21+

You may now touch yourself in breathless anticipation of these thrilling events!

Stasis

2008-08-08T13:18:00.000-07:00

I have the feeling that I am metaphorically holding my breath a lot these days. Last week felt like three months worth of emotion and stress packed into 7 tiny days. My Dad was in the hospital, my family and his girlfriend were all freaking out in various ways and somehow I found myself standing like an assertive hieroglyphic with my hands outstretched to either side trying to halt their emotional tidal waves from crashing all over me.

At the same time I was emailing our label to request information and materials we should have received years ago and letting them know of our disappointment over the lackluster promotion of our second album. Then, out of the black and white of newsprint, I found out my band was named Best Indie Band 2008 by the readers of the SF Bay Guardian. It was like I didn't have enough of a face to contain all the different emotions that seemed to be ping-ponging through my body.

Most workdays have ended with me stumbling home, exhausted and sore all over, plopping myself in front of the TV and gobbling hastily prepared meals or zoning out on Internet porn until I collapse into bed and read something comforting and familiar like Dykes To Watch Out For or Lynda Barry collections to unwind my racing mind so I can actually fall asleep. My dreams have been so vivid and jam-packed that I wake up confused as to what's actually happened and what was a flashing moment in my subconscious mind: super powers, people pretending to be Darth Vader, fantasy record shopping for suddenly released material from beloved long-defunct bands and disturbingly intense makeout sessions with someone I have zero sexual interest in all must mean something more significant in some form of analysis. But to me it's just my brain trying to dump some of its contents to prepare for the next day's worth of thoughts upon thoughts upon thoughts.

When I was a kid and my asthma was really bad and I couldn't get treatment for it I would be so embarrassed to wheeze out loud in front of my friends and classmates that I would hold my breath to keep from making a lot of noise. Not all of the time, mind you, but whenever I was in a quiet classroom or in the backseat of some friend's parent's car with no radio on or at the dinner table during grace. It was a really hard habit to break and became an unconscious response to stress, fear, anger or anxiety. These last couple weeks I've found myself having to consciously make myself exhale as I walk to work or make my dinner or sit at my desk at work or lay in bed waiting for sleep to wash over me. My father pops up in my mind seemingly every other minute and I just clench my stomach and stop breathing without meaning to. I can't write stories that are floating around in my head or consider things like going to school, which once seemed so enticing, or even really working hard to find a date without it all getting caught behind a mental image-dam of him sitting at home with an oxygen tank and a hose hooked into his nostrils. And I just keep reminding myself that it's okay to put things on hold while I sit through this horrible waiting for something I never want to happen.

See? This entry wasn't even going to be just about him and yet he's taken it over. But I don't think I could stop that if I wanted to. The irony of my last name being German for "without worry" has never been less lost on me.

Today's Mood

2008-08-07T15:17:00.000-07:00

Now all I need is a veil.

I'm Gonna Be on the Radio - Win Free EXBF Tix!!

2008-08-06T11:47:00.001-07:00

I'm going to be on Pirate Cat Radio this Saturday to talk about my band, play some songs and give away some tickets to our show at the Hemlock Tavern that night!.

So tune in Saturday to 87.9 FM at 2:00 pm if you're in the Bay Area or you can listen on iTunes under the Alternative category or, better yet, come on down to their cafe at 2781 21st Street @ Florida Street.

Ex-Boyfriends @ The Hemlock Tavern Sat. 8/9!

2008-08-05T10:36:00.000-07:00

We have a great show this Saturday August 9th at the Hemlock Tavern. We're playing with 2 fantastic SF bands, Puce Moment and Forever. Check out our Shows page for more info and then come on out and see if we've earned our snazzy new title of Best Indie Band 2008 as chosen by the possibly not sane readers of the SF Bay Guardian!

Pop as Curative

2008-08-01T11:47:00.000-07:00

This has been the roller coaster week of doom and emotional upheaval x 100. Right now the only thing I need, than than a vacation, is some old school Bananarama videos.

This is what pop music really needs to be like again.

Ex-Boyfriends Win Best Indie Band in the Bay Guardian 2008!!

2008-07-30T13:48:00.001-07:00

It's us! Scroll down to see it! Whoa!!

P.S. I have no idea if this is all done by write-ins or what. I'd think if we were somehow nominated we would've known. So this just makes it extra super special because it was from the Readers Poll and not Editors Picks, so it's totally from the people. Wow!!! Thank you to all who voted us in!!

Update on My Dad

2008-07-30T08:28:00.001-07:00

I spoke with his girlfriend and my Uncle today and the outlook is a lot better than it was last night. He had a Pulmonary Embolism which is a blood clot in the lungs and is very common in lung cancer patients. It's caused by tissue or tumor pieces getting caught in the lungs and is more likely to happen when one is sedentary, which he has been a lot since his visit to see me.

He's in the hospital and they have him on a heparin drip and on Coumadin, which is a pill for blood thinning - the two are pretty much always used in concert with one another. He will probably be in the hospital for a few days for observation and they are finding him a pulmonary specialist.

I am both relieved and a little bit ready to strangle him, if only because he really should be speaking to his doctor sooner when he's in as much pain as he's been in. But he's got that stubborn manly pride thing going on. But mainly I am glad that what is going on is treatable and he'll live for me to nag and love him awhile longer.

Thanks for all your good thoughts and support, I really appreciate it.

My Dad

2008-07-29T19:51:00.001-07:00

I just spoke with my Dad's girlfriend. He has taken a bad turn and has barely been eating or getting out of bed for the last few days. He's also been having increased breathing difficulties. The paramedics are on their way to their place as I type this so I will find out tonight or tomorrow what will happen next. I have a really bad feeling about this though.

Ouch!!

2008-07-28T16:46:00.001-07:00

http://www.sarahjessicaparkerlookslikeahorse.com/

Today's Mood

2008-07-28T14:20:00.000-07:00

Words can't quite capture it. But Siobhan Fahey does. Flawlessly.

Spotted! On the Streets of San Francisco

2008-07-28T13:25:00.000-07:00

Back when I lived in NYC I used to see all kinds of snazzy celebs in my travels throughout the island of Manhattan. Now that I live here in SF I mainly see gay porn stars who are 100x less hot in person than they are on my laptop and/or TV screen. But Saturday I was downtown shopping with friends and saw a clutch of people pass by with a woman I knew I'd seen on television before. It was driving me crazy that I couldn't remember where. In my mind I heard a breathy, girlish voice with a hint of s speech impediment and a demeanor that lent itself to the term "ditzy". I saw a big, toothy, dazzling smile but I still couldn't place her for the life of me. It wasn't until dining on delicious Indian food with my friends Michael and Mike that, through the aid of Michael's interpretations of my vague memories of her, I realized it was none other than Georgia Engel a.k.a. "Georgette" from Mary Tyler Moore and frequent guest star on Fantasy Island and The Love Boat.

I have to say, she looks pretty fantastic now. This is a recent photo I found of her (sandwiched by some gays, naturally):

And another of her dancing it up, musical theater stylee:

She's in the touring cast of The Drowsy Chaperone which is playing here in SF right now. I have to applaud her for not falling prey to the excessive plastic surgery pitfalls that her former co-star Mary Tyler Moore has. It's never sexy or age-defying to look like Madame.

Project Runway Regurgitated

2008-07-24T14:44:00.000-07:00

If you're into that sorta thing, I am continuing my tradition of recapping Project Runway over on my LJ. Expect long, rambling entries with lots of unrelated references, random grammar and my usual shenanigans.

Shots from a Mini Tour

2008-07-23T10:00:00.000-07:00

Touring was a mixed bag - wonderful and fun because of seeing dear friends and playing tight, awesome sets. But disappointing because our audiences were tiny, the money we made even tinier and the tour promotion non-existent. But I did get some cool photos along the way.

You still need to help The Prids!!

2008-07-22T12:59:00.001-07:00

Click the image below to donate and help them with their hospital bills and other expenses. Any amount will help. DO IT!! PLEASE!!