Gilbert Walter Ohnesorge: May 20th, 1941 - September 29th, 2008. Rest In Peace, Dad. I love you.

Oooh, oooh, oooh!!

I cannot WAIT for December now!! Harmony's coming back!!



Is it too much to ask for a Harmony vs. Xander super-girly, slap-fight rematch?

I'm Too Sexy for this Blog

I've decided that I'm making a career change and becoming a fiiieeeeese runway model. Look, I've already started.




Thanks to Donald at Art is for Losers for the thinspiration!!

DO NOT WANT!!!

Clay Aiken on my team! No, no, no, no!!

Gwyneth Paltrow is the Living Emdobiment of Privilege. And Annoyance.

And now she has the website to prove it! I think the phrase "Nourish the inner aspect" now makes me want to vomit more than any trite, neo-hippie/new age bullshit phrase ever has.


Click image to see larger version.

I didn't think I could dislike her more. Apparently she is hellbent on proving me wrong.

Cosmo Wants You To Get an STD!

Otherwise why would they they print advice like "Brush your teeth with minty toothpaste before going down on me. It'll feel extra shivery." - Patrick, 24.

Aside from not believing that "Patrick" gave that advice at all but it was generated during some sort of "How To Ruin Sex for Straight Women" type of brainstorming meeting, it's a great way to possibly cause bloody wounds in your mouth so you can be extra prone to infection when sucking cock.



I know that I am not a heterosexual woman and all and thus not their target audience, but bad sex advice pisses me off to no end. And our culture is lousy with it.

French & Saunders: Joan Collins Expert

Inspired by one of today's posts on Fabulon - my current favorite blog, I bring you this hilarious French & Saunders sketch I uploaded awhile back. Jennifer plays the vapid morning chat show host and Dawn plays the resident expert on all things. In this clip she is an expert on the one and only Joan Collins.



One of my favorite lines is when Dawn mutters "Nobody wants to know about Britt Eklund" near the very end. Enjoy!

Wow, I kind of suddenly love Megan Fox!

Who knew?

“With any of the Miley Cyrus shit, or any of that Vanessa Hudgens shit—I would never issue an apology for my life and for who I am. It’s like, Oh, I’m sorry I took a naked, private picture that someone is an asshole and sold for money. I’m sorry if someone else is a dick. No. You shouldn’t have to apologize. Someone betrayed Vanessa, but no one’s angry at that person. She had to apologize. I hate Disney for making her do that. Fuck Disney.”

When the interviewer tells her that she probably just dug her own grave. She responded: “Yeah, that was probably a bad move—they own everything. But it’s not right. They take these little girls, and they put them through entertainment school and teach them to sing and dance, and make them wear belly shirts, but they won’t allow them to be their own people. It makes me sick.”.

Click the text for more gems from Ms. Fox. I feel like I've said similar things about mainstream media machines who want to turn all young women into come hither sexbots but never ever allow them their own personal, natural sexuality. Just one that is manufactured and target-marketed for optimum effect.

"It's coming for me through the trees..."

Some days you just need to experience "Hounds of Love".



Even in cover form it's still magical.

Escape to Witch Mountain

Remember back when Disney was kind of awesome?









I do believe a viewing is in order!

Time Shifts

The span of time from Friday September 5th when I bought my ticket to go to Sarasota and see my father and Thursday September 11th when I returned to San Francisco seemed like several long weeks while I was in the midst of it. While I was there I remembered that it's almost been a year since his lung cancer diagnosis which seemed almost impossible. How could I have fit all of that fear and anxiety and sadness and numbness into just 10 months?

The hospice social worker told me it's hard to predict a time line from when home hospice care begins and death. Generally they say that it seems to be a six month period. But sometimes less. But sometimes more. Basically, it's unknown. It's not like I expected an exact date, but the complete vagueness is the antithesis of comforting.

I thought the visit might hold something significant, like an important or meaningful conversation with my father. Instead it was loaded with more drama and fights and frustration - all courtesy of his girlfriend - than I could have possibly imagined. I came home feeling battle-weary and ready to retreat into some alone time in my cozy apartment. Between DVDs of old movies and delicious snacks I've tried to keep the image of my father's thin, frail body from popping up in my mind's eye every 5 minutes.

It's only kind of working.

Update on My Dad

I am taking a red eye on Sunday to Florida to see my Dad. I'm taking the red eye because it was cheapest and doesn't arrive at an ungodly hour for his girlfriend to get me. He is having home hospice care right now and they are trying medicines so he can eat and drink since he's gagging up anything he tries to swallow. I bought a one way ticket.

News of the WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

Porn performer Kurt Wild fired from his day job at Subway because a customer threatened to boycott the franchise due to Wild's gay porn work.

Seriously. This is not from The Onion. If he doesn't sue the living daylights out of Subway for discriminatory practices I will be shocked. The narrow-minded, high horse, bigoted bullshit of so many people just makes me want to vomit almost as much as eating and actual Subway sandwich. I'm sure the fuckstain responsible thinks there will be AIDS in their sandwich or some other such bullshit. Bring me a fucking axe.

O Mighty Isis

I know America's Next Top Model is an incredibly silly reality TV show run by an even more silly former model. But it's also a guilty pleasure of mine. And this year the show has its first ever transsexual model in the competition and I think she's fucking awesome on a lot of levels, not the least of which is for her first shoot photo where she had to embody privacy rights as an election year hot topic (lord but Tyra loves to do her "topical" photo shoots):



So far there's been a fair amount of ignorance and straight up vile hatred, but Isis seems to be maintaining a relaxed attitude about the whole situation, even when I am screaming at the television "IT'S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS WHAT GENITALS SHE HAS YOU FUCKWITS!!" I hope she can maintain her spirit and keep delivering awesome photos. I know she has no chance of winning because Cover Girl would never accept a trans woman as the face of their media campaigns. But I like that she's there, even on something as frivolous as ANTM. Because so many people take shit like reality television really seriously and maybe having her on this show will open their minds a bit more.

God, I sound like a hippie. Anyways, Isis, you're rocking me. I apologize in advance for all the yelling I do at the TV when people are mean to you! Just ignore me and keep on fiercing it up.

Milk

The trailer for Gus Van Sant's film about Harvey Milk is up on YouTube. It's already brought tears to my eyes. I can't wait to see this.

OM NOM NOM NOM!!!

Foods I have made of late.

Caramel Cupcakes with Cocoa-Chocolate Frosting:







Cupcake recipe here (I did not use the recipe for butterscotch frosting that came with it). Dark Chocolate Frosting recipe here. I do not recommend doubling the frosting recipe because A)you have too much frosting and B)you will need to add cocoa powder and salt so it is not too sugary sweet.

Bacon Wrapped Chicken Breast!





Chicken breast was seasoned with cayenne pepper and basil flakes. The bacon was dusted with brown sugar. Cooked the breast for awhile until it was about 3/4 done then wrapped the bacon around it and cooked them together. Served with broccoli steamed with a bit of Brummel & Brown Yogurt Spread (great for lactards!) and seasoned pepper, Trader Joe's Carrot Ginger Soup sprinkled with some crumbled feta cheese and a slice of my roommate's sweet French bread topped wit the aforementioned spread.

Delicious Irony

Mmmm, sop it up with a biscuit!



Via Blah the Quah.